Man it feels good to be winning again. I think I had fallen into the trap of settling for America’s shortcomings – multiple perspectives, an inclusive government built for principle and not for speed, an uneasy rapprochement with an imperfect past. I had come to expect my government to do too many things for me and my family. The truth is I can test my own drinking water, grow and/or slaughter my own safe food, decide whether vaccines or other preventive medicine are necessary, invest for retirement in a safe and stable stock market, homeschool my grandchildren, buy ample guns and ammunition to protect my homestead, drive a few hours to the nearest big city to reach a hospital. Now that The Leader and his presidential minion are directing the lion’s share of Elonica’s money to internal and external defense, we will at last be safe from foreigners of all kinds. Then, unfettered and secure, the wealthiest who have proven their place at the top of the trickle down will make us all prosperous. My life is surely easier without the government in the way.
I am ever grateful for the common sense of big honkin’ tariffs, better water pressure, plastic straws, the Gulf of America, Alcatraz, and a new Russian alliance. We owe a great deal to The Leader and the president he purchased to help accomplish his goals. Since winning their sweeping 1.5% mandate, they have been laser focused on addressing the needs of real Elonicans – lowering prices, creating a level playing field through the elimination of DEI, ridding Elonica of illegals and thus of crime. With the help of the most meritocratic Cabinet in history, they are showing the libs who’s boss. But years from now, after The Leader and his Muppet have passed to the next life and been carved into Mt. Rushmore, we will need to ask ourselves “What real rewards did they and their comrades-in-excellence receive? What was in it for them?”
“To the victors belong the spoils.” The Leader and his orange friend earned their victory, sacrificing much along the way. The Leader’s business has suffered as he nobly stepped forward to chainsaw the Deep State. Idiot radicals (radical idiots?) have desecrated his car dealerships and caused his sales to plummet. There’s no way he can overcome his losses through DOGE elimination of pending investigations and/or the offices tasked with conducting them. Even billions of new dollars in federal grants can’t restore his tarnished reputation. As for the Muppet President – right now he could be basking in his golden years (rather than concerning himself with a Golden Age), playing golf every weekend and entertaining special friends like Lara Loomer and Nayib Bukele. Instead, on behalf of the Elonican people, both The Leader and his orange sidekick have dedicated themselves to making our lives better.
Of course The Leader, his president, and their wealthy associates both on and off the Cabinet will garner their fair share of Elonica’s burgeoning wealth. Naturally they will make very smart business deals using all of the information they have at hand – including judicious use of the new national citizen database that DOGE has enabled – and assume their proper positions in our Golden Age. Because of their dedication to everyone’s well-being – the strength of their commitment to public service, their unwavering commitment to democratic ideals – no one should question whatever financial gains come their way. They and their families deserve to make as much money as possible while they are in charge. After all, we need the wealthy to become wealthier if the trickle down is to work as it should.
We can’t lose track of the fact that everyone will benefit from spoils more valuable than financial riches. In Elonica, we are all victors, even if we have to make do with fewer dolls and pencils, even if prices for food and housing bring a little pain. Victory assures us the opportunity to write a new history for ourselves, interpreting what is happening now and what has gone before however we choose. We can determine which facts are true and eliminate any information that challenges our truth. We can limit what is taught in our schools and universities, ensuring that our young people learn the right way to think. We can reshape our families, returning to the blessed time when men worked and women raised children – lots of children. We can prescribe preferred religious doctrines and sideline or criminalize sinful alternative interpretations. The Leader can decide which parts of the Constitution still apply to our new prosperity. He will decide who among us deserves how much due process under what circumstances. He will decide whether we need elections in 2026, how those elections should be run, and whether his president should complete a third term. As excited as I am at the financial wealth that will trickle down to me, I am over the moon ecstatic about assertive leadership that simplifies our lives as citizens of Elonica.
So what do we owe The Leader and his acolytes for the many gifts they are bestowing upon us? Simple things really. Faith. Loyalty. Patience. Trust. Obedience. They deserve nothing less. They are asking nothing more.
If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land.
Isaiah 1:19
