‘Twas the night before Christmas and at the White House
All the creatures were stirring with fires to douse.
The E files were spread by the chimney with care
In hopes that the Trump pics were getting more rare.
The Prez and his bride nestled snug in their beds
She dreaming of shoes, he stuck on The Fed.
And Miller and Vought in their red MAGA caps
Composed Truths and new “facts” to address Trump’s mishaps.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
Guards sprang from their posts to see what was the matter.
Away to the East Wing they flew like a flash
Before they remembered that it had been trashed.
The moon on the rubble made a soft reddish glow
That whispered, “Twas time for a ballroom, you know.”
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature man dressed up in war gear
With an ICE squad of fellows so burly and thick
I knew in a moment ‘twas time for the schtick.
More rapid than eagles his enablers they came
And he sneered and dissembled and called them by name:
“Now Johnson! Now Comer! Now Hegseth and Noem,
On Lindsay, on JD, on MAGAs at home
To our friends at Fox News! To our wealthy Tech Bros
Let’s spread some real facts so that everyone knows!
As questions before the wild hurricane fly
We’ve got some great blarney no one can deny."
Up to the housetop Trump’s trusted men flew
With a chopper of pencils and baby dolls too (two?).
And then in a twinkling I heard from the roof
The broadcast of statements offered as proof:
“Diseases like measles that are going around
Will yield herd immunity, more medically sound.”
“Those boats in the ocean are fair game to shoot
So drugs and Maduro will both be kaput.”
“Our Leader was tired of his dowdy shack
So he thoughtfully added past president’s plaques.”
“A long time ago yes with Jeff Trump made merry
But never, not once, did he pop someone’s cherry.”
“And now that the tariffs have made our costs low
Should we mention “affordability?” NO!”
“Obamacare sucks. It’s bad. It’s beneath.
And one day a new plan to y’all we’ll bequeath.”
“The libs use AI to give Trump a big belly
So don’t trust the photos or believe he is smelly.”
“Kash Patel, double dipping as Elf-on-the-Shelf,
Makes Trump laugh when he sees him in spite of himself.”
“Since all’s going well we can now plan ahead
Once Greenland is ours we have little to dread.”
"Trump needs his new plane to fly quickly to work
And then home to play golf, his favorite perc."
So we’ve shouted the news ‘til our manhoods are froze
In our masks and fatigues who we are no one knows.
I think we’ve exhausted our stock of dogwhistles
And made all the Radicals shudder and bristle.
So let me exclaim, as I vanish from sight
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
If you’d like to cleanse yourself with an unpolluted version of this classic: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43171/a-visit-from-st-nicholas
Whether or not you’re celebrating Christmas, here’s to a tomorrow filled with love, peace, family, and hope…
Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
LUKE 2:10
