We made it to 2025. Happy New Year. For whatever reasons, I’m not inspired to do the black-eyed-peas and resolution thing. Perhaps because I’m old and as John Dewey would say no longer as elastic as I was in my youth, I’m a tad nervous about all the great changes to come.
It is difficult to celebrate the emerging glories of Elonica while honoring President Jimmy Carter’s many contributions to America’s storied past. His values – service above personal wealth, a Christian faith anchored in acts of grace rather than acts of anger, prayerfulness and humility instead of spin – seem so outdated now. I can only hope that people are not distracted by the memory of an American leader who tried, however naively, to make the whole world a better place. Under The Leader and his Muppet president, Elonican greatness is a simple zero-sum game. We prosper only when everyone else loses. At this important time, we cannot be confused by the memories of an America that lost its prominence in the world by trying to use its power for good. Instead, Our Leader and his friends need to make more money. That’s what will Make America Great Again. Obviously.
One of the drawbacks to being a technological and financial genius like The Leader is that ideas sometimes outpace reality. Occasionally the brilliant are impetuous. I’m beginning to wonder if The Leader – who paid a steep but fair price to buy himself a president – is having early doubts about his investment in the orange boy. It’s not that his president can’t be brought into line. It’s that he keeps needing to be brought into line. I’m worried about three emerging sources of angst: (1) the President is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, (2) he is drawn to people who flatter him regardless of their alignment with The Leader’s views, and (3) the people he convinced to vote for him are expecting outcomes that are not exactly in line with The Leader’s ambitions.
Take, for example, H-1B visas. These are visas that admit foreign workers with specific skills (often honed at elitist Elonican universities that incubate leftist wokism and should therefore be more closely managed by the government). The Leader – himself the beneficiary of such a visa that led eventually to his Elonican citizenship – needs more of these workers. Apparently native born Elonicans cannot do skilled jobs in engineering and the sciences. The Leader’s pixie friend Vivek attributes this deficit to American culture that values prom queens over math prowess. For whatever reasons, The Leader needs to import these workers. This is confusing to many of the people who were persuaded to vote for The Leader’s nominee, as they thought that getting rid of everyone who was not white and Christian and born and raised in Elonica would open up to real Elonicans all the magnificent jobs held by these interlopers. The purging of the unworthy should create more opportunity for profit for the billionaires and billionairettes which we have established will result inevitably in the trickle down that benefits us all.
So The Leader went public with his obvious need for H-1B workers, getting his Tech Bro buddies who are funding his president’s inauguration to back him up. The President was then compelled to support H-1B visas, stating that he had always supported H-1B and often hired such workers (to clean his hotels or landscape his golf courses?) This of course confused the hell out of some of his voters, who were hoping to step into high-paying jobs in technical fields in addition to meat-packing and crop-picking after the illegals were rightfully expelled. And then sycophant Vivek piled on with unflattering comments about American culture. The Leader’s president likes Vivek because he is a billionairette who cozies up in the most endearing ways. But, unlike The Leader, who is big and strong and white and manly and virile and makes cars and rockets and satellites, Vivek is a nerd who makes money promoting medicines that don’t work and/or cost too much. The president’s voters can get behind The-Richest-Man-In-The-World as Leader, but Vivek is another story. Vivek annoys them.
And so in addition to the awesome responsibilities of becoming richer and peopling Elonica with those who can make him richer, The Leader must manhandle his president behind the scenes. Early returns on his investment are promising, but The Leader is a big picture guy with his eye on the future. He is going to need his president’s help to assure the voters that eliminating some immigrants while promoting others will accomplish Elonica’s goals. He will need to manage the president’s relationships with the Viveks and the Bill Gates and all those who would seek to gain advantage through flattery. In a matter of weeks he will need to steer Elonica’s foreign policy using the blunt instrument that is the president he purchased.
And he must find a way to lower the soaring cost of eggs immediately. This is foundational to how he got his president elected.
Fear not, fellow Elonicans: Elonica will prevail. I have faith in The Leader. Supporting him without question is my only New Year’s resolution. Oh, and finding out what’s happened to JD.
The soul of the lazy man desires, and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.
Proverbs 13:4