Hoo boy ain’t we got fun! The Leader and his Lost Boys (dubbed Dogebags and Muskrats by vanquished liberals) are oozing like lava through the sacred halls of government. Fine young men like Big Balls and “I was racist before it was cool” have had their way with the data in multiple departments. They’ve successfully put the Fear of DOGE in the wretched bureaucrats who make up the federal workforce. Elonica will grow stronger once these servants of the Deep State are expelled. Speaking only for myself, I am comfortable donating my personal data to the DOGE bros to put a stop to wasteful foreign aid and woke education. If I have to give up my privacy to serve Elonica, so be it. I vote for going after everyone who’s ever worked for the government. #ThemToo.
The Leader is at last out of the shadows. First, Time Magazine put him on its cover behind the Resolute Desk. Then he appeared there publicly with his favorite prop – the president he purchased – and informed the liberal elite press that he and his homeboys have indeed uncovered rampant fraud and waste in government. He is taking a new approach to reshaping America into Elonica. Rather than pretending that he is merely offering his business acumen at the behest of the orange president, The Leader is repackaging himself as part of a dynamic duo, working alongside the president to Make Us Great Again. Think Fred and Ginger. Batman and Robin. Bonnie and Clyde. Beavis and Butthead. When Elonicans doubt the intellect of the president they elected – which I’ve heard happens sometimes – The Leader is there to assure us that the richest man in the world has our backs. He is hammering the civil servants who ruined our country, keeping our failed democracy from achieving its promise. Everywhere he looks he finds a failed government off the rails. We don’t need evidence or proof of fraud or wrongdoing. We have the word of The Leader. #ThemToo.
In the meantime, to hold up his end of their partnership, the Muppet president excels at providing cover for The Leader’s work. Plastic straws are back, we’re celebrating Gulf of America Day, we’ve inserted ourselves into the Gazan real estate market, and we’re finding more and more allies to insult with tariffs. There’s so much to see. It appears from polls that the Elonican people are liking this energy after four years of gridlock. The Leader and his president recognized out of the gate that the greatest flaw in our old democracy was the pace at which it moved. Congress works best when it’s merely ornamental – a reality show of people elected to perform their roles with flair and verve – rather than pretending to govern as is described on visitthecapitol.gov:
Article I of the United States Constitution established the legislative branch known as the Congress. Congress enacts laws that influence the daily lives of all Americans and is intended to serve as the voice of the people. Its responsibilities include funding government functions and programs, holding hearings to inform the legislative process, and oversight of the executive branch.
Even though The Leader’s party holds the majority in both houses of Congress and could work to enact the changes he seeks, that would take a long time. It’s better to leave Congress in charge of less important tasks that do not interest The Leader – naming Post Offices, fighting over budgets that the executive branch has the authority to ignore anyway, investigating the former president’s family. The Speaker of the House is fine letting The Leader decide whether and how to spend money as allocated by the House (“executive stewardship of the money” he earnestly calls it). The Senate is eager to confirm all of the nominees for Cabinet posts as quickly as possible, interpreting advise-and-consent as advising The Leader that they consent to everything he and his presidential lackey are doing. Of course they’re providing checks and balances: they have checked their reservations at the door and are balancing the budget by eliminating the parts of the government they don’t like. #ThemToo.
So the only impediments remaining to full-on Elonica – a nation in The Leader’s image where we are Great Again – are the courts and the Democrats. No worries. The vice president and some members of Congress – the Speaker and the acknowledged great thinker Tommy Tuberville among others – have assured us that the courts have got it wrong. In the old system of checks and balances, the courts determined the legitimacy of challenged executive actions. Of course this was hugely inefficient and subject to weaponization. In Elonica, the only correct legal decisions are those that support The Leader. In Elonica, it’s prudent for the executive branch to ignore bad law and proceed to dismantle that which needs dismantling as quickly as possible even in the face of court rulings suggesting they can’t. Eventually the courts will get the picture. The Leader wouldn’t do something unlawful. He is so very rich. And he is in command, having bought an election fair and square.
Which brings us to the Democrats. I feel kind of sorry watching them fumble around talking about Constitutional crises and the rule of law. Lots of tiny little rallies and strongly worded letters. My favorite aspect of our transition to Elonica – other than the fact that the rest of the world respects how we are at last living up to the ideals of our Constitution – is the part where those who are troubled by our rapid transition from America to Elonica blame the Democrats. The Democrats couldn’t impeach the president who is now back for another bite of the apple. They weaponized the justice system by eagerly sitting on their hands for two years after January 6. They created scads of jobs but ignored the price of eggs. They tried to create immigration reform by changing law rather than deploying the military. The Republicans who voted for The Leader only did so because the Democrats are such a sorry lot. We have to blow up America to get to Elonica because the Democrats failed. There will be pain – but that is not the responsibility of those who voted The Leader into office. It’s akin to the abuser’s lament “I didn’t want to hurt you but you gave me no choice. You made me do it and thus it’s your fault.” Thank God we are moving past the rules and norms that stood in the way of our progress. We can’t let the libs stop us or slow us down. #ThemToo.
So he led them according to the integrity of his heart, and guided them by the skillfulness of his hands.
Psalm 78:72
