Praise the Lord! After years of succumbing to The Deep State – that army of unelected liberal bureaucrats who have weaponized our government – The Leader is standing up. Gone are the days of so-called experts in law enforcement, flight, health care, education, intelligence, etc. The Leader and his figurehead president can run Elonica with far fewer people because they will accept only the right people. We are blessed to be a part of the golden age of mediocracy.
Can you believe that the former head of the Federal Aviation Administration had the gall to challenge The Leader? It’s true. After The Leader’s last rocket exploded over the Caribbean, filling the skies with debris, that short-sighted punk told The Leader that he could not launch another until he figured out what was going wrong. OMG. As if anyone has the right to challenge The Leader. Thankfully The Leader had this idiot dismissed the day after the coronation. And it’s a good thing he did. The next thing that happened was the deadliest plane crash in decades followed immediately by a plane full of Mexicans creating a fiery mess in Philadelphia followed by a failure in aviation warning systems. Had the previous expert been in his position, we would have had to wait months to learn what caused these problems. Now that we have abandoned The Deep State for The Shallow State, we know already. DEI. Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Problem identified. Problem therefore solved.
The Shallow State is beautiful in so many ways. In the old America, we all came to believe that our government was not working for us. But improvements got lost in an impenetrable web of gobbledygook. Complex problems, we were told, required complex solutions. Hogwash. The best thing about The Shallow State is that we know there are five possible causes for everything that needs fixing:
- DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion)
- Immigrant Invasion
- Weaponization
- CRT (Critical Race Theory)
- Biden, Obama, and Friends
Once The Leader ascertains which of the five causes is at play, there are three possible responses:
- Write an Executive Order.
- Impose tariffs.
- Expand the scope and reach of DOGE.
All we have to do is sit back and let The Leader direct his purchased president as to which of these to apply. It’s a multiple choice test as opposed to an essay exam. Easy peasy. And The Leader doesn’t really have to solve any of the problems once he identifies the cause and applies an approved response. Elonicans are just relieved to know that The Leader and his mouthpiece have the common sense to know what’s what.
Another great thing about The Shallow State is its scale. Less is more. It’s great that we are purging huge numbers of civil servants (after all, they never served me). Those FBI agents who were assigned to investigate the January 6 peaceful demonstration of love at the Capitol need to be among the first we run out of town. It’s sheer luck that there were no terrorist attacks, a reduction in fentanyl deaths and a decrease in violent crime in the last four years when, in truth, all the Bureau did was persecute The Leader’s chosen president and other conservatives. Once we winnow out these experienced weaponizers, we can fill enough of the empty spaces with fresh faces loyal to Elonica. We won’t need to fill them all. The FBI, like all of government, has been overstaffed and top heavy. We just need to hire a few young men solely on merit.
Although the FBI is a special case and has to be a priority, we also need to cull unreliable people in other departments – show them “the fork in the road” as it were. Once we get rid of the chaff we can focus on the grain. We used to have to rely on expertise and experience to make America stronger. USAID was filled with people who supposedly knew something about the programs and people the U.S. was supporting. It purportedly took years for a CIA agent to build skills and relationships so people in dangerous parts of the world would share their secrets with us. Those bureaucrats sure cost a lot of American taxpayer money. Now that we have the genius of The Leader at our disposal, we don’t need these civil servants. It’ll take just a handful of people to faithfully execute The Leader’s wisdom. Of course his chief go-to boy will be the president he paid good money for, but he will need some additional lackeys to do his bidding. Let’s be clear – wokeness created a universe where white men didn’t even bother to apply for vacant jobs – air traffic control, teaching, the trades. All that merit wasted. Now that white men have a fair shake again, we should have no trouble at all filling the vacancies that need filled. Elonica is teeming with untapped merit.
By far the most special aspect of The Shallow State is the jugular attack. This is a wee bit tricky for The Leader, as it exposes him more openly than he likes. He’s been getting a whole mess of press. Democrats appear to have figured out that he has infiltrated confidential systems pretty much all over the government. Remember, it’s important at this stage that Elonicans believe that the man they elected president — not The Leader — is in charge. Notwithstanding this risk to his cover, the jugular attack might be the best bit of genius to date. The Leader, from his cottage at Mar A Lago and his office in the west wing, has been granted full access to the Treasury Department’s payment database. Yep – he can see all of the accounts, from his own companies’ grant disbursements to the bank information of Elonicans who receive tax refunds and social security checks. With his trusted team from X, he can no doubt manipulate the data to ensure that our government is paying only those who deserve payment. This is the jugular part – no lengthy process, no piddling around with hypothetical negative impacts. Because he and his team are not elected or officially appointed, cumbersome oversight is not a worry. The Leader controls the government’s purse. I betcha a little bloodletting will go a long way toward fiscal responsibility and the end of stupid liberal dissent.
The jugular attack, though brilliant, is not without risk. Wishing to avoid the limelight, The Leader has directed his Muppet President to cover him as he stomps through our data enroute to publication on X. The recent proposal to build waterfront condos in Gaza should keep the prying eyes focused elsewhere for a while … we’ll check in on this and other manifestations of mediocracy next week.
Farewell, Deep State. Welcome Shallow State.
Oh, and as of today Elonica has been blessed with 87 thoughtful Executive Actions. Enjoy them all on the Edicts du Jour page. Leadership in poetry …
Then he will say to those on his left, “Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”
Matthew 25:41
