Isn’t it great to live in a country where all the right things are happening? The Leader must be pleased with the progress made in just a week since the coronation of his purchased president. He is making money, his friends are making money, his major-domo president is making money. Before we know it the trickle down will reach us all.
Of course it’s essential that we clean up the horrible messes left by the last idiot president. First there’s the weaponized justice department. Thank God the January 6 patriots are now free to continue to inspire us to love our country. Their pardons are just what Elonicans voted for in November. As importantly, all of the justice department staff who investigated the president after that Day of Love have been fired. Feckless liberals are saying that possible future disloyalty to The Leader’s Muppet President does not provide cause for their dismissal. Really? How in the hell can we be a democracy if we question those we elect to lead? Leaving no stone unturned, the new MAGA U.S. Attorney in DC has opened an investigation into the investigation of the Jan 6 patriots. There’s nothing like a good investigation of an investigation to clear the air.
It’s important to look back as part of staying focused on the future. A country as glorious as Elonica needs a glorious history and we have to get the writing of it right. We must dispute the FBI, ANTIFA-inspired theory that Jan 6 was some sort of insurrection. It was a righteous peaceful assembly, a precursor to the passion with which real Elonicans will defend our Leader. We must be honest and clear-headed about what made us great as a country before we became Elonica. Slavery, Jim Crow, the KKK – these were way in the past and are brought up now only to make white people feel guilty. As The Leader pointed out to the German people on the 80th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, it is wrong to look back and feel guilt or shame. It makes more sense to use the lens of history to remember things conveniently: slavery was actually a successful immigration jobs program; neither the Tuskegee experiment nor the Tuskegee Airmen are important enough to find any place in Elonican school curriculum; “American exceptionalism” is nothing compared to “Elonican World Empire.”
So much of life in Elonica is praiseworthy. We are finally past discrimination or unfairness now that The Leader’s mouthpiece has banned DEI. It makes no sense to attend to race or heritage or gender in a country where income, the administration of justice, and success in the workplace are so clearly based solely on merit. Look at the Cabinet nominees. The Leader and his orange minion spent many an evening in the cottage at Mar A Lago choosing the very best people. See what leadership looks like when all the fluff is blown away and what remains is meritorious excellence? Hegseth at Defense. Kennedy at Public Health. McMahon at Education. Patel at the FBI. Who would have thought such talent was available before now?
And then, of course, a signature success of the first week – purging the illegals. I could not be prouder that we are getting rid of people, criminal and otherwise, who found their way here the wrong way. I am safer now that our military is protecting our borders. I like that we can grab illegals in schools or churches or hospitals. I’m hoping that my grandchildren in their public school, after making their way through the metal detector and past the armed guard, witness the removal of an illegal or two. This, like the aforementioned patriot pardons, will help to teach them that those who break the law deserve no mercy. Might is right. This is education for life.
But the greatest Elonican cleverness to date might not be so obvious. The Leader and his president have accomplished more in a week than most administrations get done in a full term. What they have proven is the ultimate lesson in government efficiency: we don’t really need a government at all. There are 535 members of Congress, each making $174,000 per year. That’s a whopping $93,090,000 in salaries alone. Plus aides and offices and benefits and pensions and … you get it. Because most of them either go along with everything The Leader proposes or try futilely to get in the way of what he proposes, do we really need them up there in the Capitol? And that’s just the legislative branch. Think of the billions of dollars wrapped up in the Deep State in frivolity like intelligence gathering. I’m thinking we just hang a DOGE sign on The Leader’s cottage at Mar A Lago and put those savings into cutting taxes at the top – thus enhancing the trickle down.
Little did we dream that November’s election would yield such a bang for our buck. I wake up every morning aquiver with anticipation at what The Leader will improve next. To help us keep abreast of everything he is doing, I’m launching a new Edicts du Jour page (live by 01-31-2025). I’m proud to be doing my small part to help us transition from the country that failed us. I’m not alone. Per the Declaration of Independence, the Elonican people are giving The Leader his head. He is riding the crest of his 1.5% mandate: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed …”
Let’s continue to consent. Fully.
Therefore it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.
romans 13:5
