Damn those libs and communists and socialists and radical leftists and leftist radicals. Dumocrats, all of them, who hate America so much they cannot see how well we’ve been doing since the November 2024 election. Now that we have a Unitary Executive (or Impunitary Executive since SCOTUS is ensuring that the other two branches of government don’t get in his way), it’s all systems go. We’re firing on all cylinders. Pedal to the metal. Damn the torpedoes.
Yep, Elonica is kicking ass and taking names. A big reason for this is a President who doesn’t wait for Congress to direct the country. All of that woke, naive democracy stuff – checks and balances, co-equal branches of government – sounded great 250 years ago. But the people spoke clearly in the 1.5% landslide election of 2024. We wanted change. We wanted a real leader, ordained by God and respected across the globe. Thanks to the generosity of the richest man in the world and the fervent support of aides such as Natalie Harp, we got that leader – not a mere President, but a Unitary Executive with unfettered authority.
Our Unitary Executive governs not by consensus or legislation, but by edict. As of today, Dr. President Jesus has issued 603 Executive Orders! Woohoo! If you’d like to peruse this body of work, they’re on the White House webpage. If you’d like to read them thoughtfully summarized as haiku, click this wee link:
I could go on for pages and pages and not do justice to our President’s never-before-seen success. The depth and breadth of Elonica’s emergence as the HOTTEST nation in the world is truly breathtaking. Let’s focus today on just two areas of exceptional excellence – war and the economy – and leave other topics for the remaining decade of this President’s rule. We will have plenty of time for celebration.
Winning at Wars, Police Actions, and Excursions
Our President believes in peace through strength. The Donald J. Trump Institute of Peace has spread this philosophy throughout our world, creating levels of compassion, good will, and collaboration no one thought possible. When it’s necessary to stand firm, however, our Unitary Executive does not flinch. His strength is our strength. He and our dashing Secretary of War have achieved so many great things:
Look! A bonus! On Monday our President announced that he is adding our first Islamic territory to Elonica. Think of the money we’ll make on tolls. Oh, and oil.
Economic Winning
Depsite the Herculean task of repairing an economy brought to its knees by Sleepy Joe Biden, our President and his talented appointees have succeeded in creating the greatest economy EVER:
I’m tingling with pride at what we’ve accomplished in just these two areas. I could talk about similar improvements in family values, election security, balanced media coverage, public health, education, immigration, and so much more. But we have precious few days of summer left and we should spend them outdoors breathing the cool, clean air available to us now that our government has ended global warming by declaring it a woke hoax.
Let’s revel in the knowledge that in Elonica we are all winners. There is so much winning.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 TIMOTHY 4:7
