I love the feeling of waking up in our renewed nation. Truth to tell, when we voted in a landslide 1.5% victory to transition from our failing democracy to something newer and better – from America to Elonica – I was a tad nervous. Of course I trust the richest man in the world and his tech bro friends entirely. I should have known that the President they selected and purchased for us would be the right man for the job. But it has taken me a year to recognize the true brilliance of this choice. Today, my optimism overwhelms me. Today I see the light.
At first, I think I struggled to imagine what was possible for our great land. What could we become under the leadership of a President and his tech handlers so focused on our wellbeing? Biden and Obama and even milquetoast Republicans like the Bushes and Reagan all the way back to Eisenhower failed to recognize the leverage our military provides us. By God, we are the strongest nation in the history of the world. Now that our President has been awarded the richly-deserved illustrious FIFA Peace Prize and the Nobel (held in layaway by Machado), establishing that he is a thoughtful man interested in using our strength for world peace, it’s time to unleash the Department of War. It’s time to take the gloves off our thin, smooth-shaven warfighting Christian soldiers and show the world what democracy looks like. It’s time to kick ass, take names, and usher in our Golden Age.
Praise the Lord our President had the presence of mind to overcome naysayers and appoint a mastermind as Secretary of War. Our plans to dominate the world for peace rely on Pete Hegseth’s unparalleled multi-faceted planning and communication/collaboration skills. (Remember, right out of the gate, he demonstrated how efficient the Signal app is.) Working closely with Stephen Miller for philosophical guidance, Elon Musk for telecommunications, Mike Johnson and John Thune for legislative cover, Pam Bondi to punish those who resist, and beloved spokesperson JD Vance, our nimble Secretary of War has developed a multi-tiered plan. Every facet of this plan is grounded in the unshakable Christian faith of those who lead us. I’ll try to do it justice:
Tier 1: Domestic Peace
The only way to ensure peace in the Radical Leftist parts of our country where the illegals are hiding in plain sight is to send in our national police (ICE and partners) to determine if citizens are amenable to peaceful takeover of their streets. Co-President Miller and Vice-President Vance have granted this presidential police force absolute immunity so that they are not bound by constitutional safeguards or expected policing practices. Dangerous times call for enhanced methods – Kavanaugh stops, smashed windows, random tear gas, pepper balls, deadly shootings, etc. If these highly trained and tightly disciplined forces in masks and camo can’t vanquish the enemy, it’s up to the next level of warfighter – our military. 1500 of our finest are on stand-by to quell the Minnesota Uprising as soon as the President gets done buying Greenland and activates the Insurrection Act.
Meanwhile the Justice Department – using data collected during the DOGE takeover of various departments and provided to Palantir and other tech firms – is opening investigations into all those who oppose peace. ICE and its brethren agencies cannot be obstructed in their missions. We must ensure that every nonwhite person is discovered, challenged, and proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to be an Elonican. Our bloodline is at stake. We must limit the damage of intermixing. Now that our Justice Department operates as an arm of the executive rather than as an independent body, we can use their resources to go after those standing in our way.
With God’s help, our Christian soldiers will take our homeland back and begin the vital process of restoring our heritage.
Tier 2: Hemispheric Peace
Under the Donroe Doctrine, world peace is the priority. To ensure this peace, we must take South America. We must take Greenland. We must take Canada. We must control the Panama Canal. Where we can, we’ll use taxpayer money to buy these properties. Such expenditures are plausible now that the tariffs have eliminated the national debt. If the citizens of these places are foolish and don’t wish to sell, we’ll take them by force.
Under our stalwart Secretary of War, we have the shiniest, strongest, most advanced, most fit military in the world. The world order is once again – as it should have been all along – survival of the fittest. That’s us. As Co-President Miller reminds us, we are a superpower. It’s high time we started acting like one.
I’ll admit that this is daring stuff. Stepping away from a “rules-based order,” whatever the hell that means, is frightening to those mired in history and the Constitution. Our clever President tested the waters with Venezuela. For one regrettable moment, the Senate kicked around a War Powers Resolution limiting (if you can believe it) our Unitary Executive’s authority to wage war without congressional approval. But once they saw the potential profit for our oilgarchs, they backed away. The President has a green light. We’re all systems go. Let’s strike while the iron is hot and expand Elonican territory. Once we own the hemisphere we can guarantee its peace.
Tier 3: World Peace
Simple math. We divide the world among the three superpowers. Russia gets Europe. China gets Asia. We get our hemisphere. Then we just stay within our own self-sufficient zones, limiting communication and commerce with the other zones. Live and let live. Total acrimony. World peace. Ah, I can feel the soft light of conquest adding to the glow of our Golden Age.
What a beautiful plan. Comprehensive in its simplicity. No wonder our President is so disappointed in being overlooked by Norway (another name for Iceland and/or Greenland) for the Nobel Peace Prize. If he didn’t deserve it for the 8 wars he ended, he surely deserves it for this plan for the future. But we better move fast. Already the Radical Left Liberals are showing their utter disrespect for the Unitary Executive who is bringing us such brilliance. Whoever is publishing these sordid images deserves the immediate attention of Elonica’s Justice Department. I’d say they’re dancing with sedition:
“A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”
ECCLESIASTES 3:8
