I am always proud of Elonica. But there are times when my heart swells almost beyond my chest wall’s capacity. Last night’s speech – full of hard truths about the failures of previous presidencies and the superiority of this one – glorified the strength of The Leader sitting in the First Lady’s box while his orange mouthpiece prattled on behind the podium. As beautiful as the oratory was, I’ll tell you what was even better. Watching The Leader’s bought-and-paid-for president unzip his fly on the world stage this week has brought me almost more joy than I can stand. I celebrated Elonica’s vote with other meritocracies in the UN against the interests of Ukraine and Europe. And add me to the list of Elonicans reveling in “the bitch slap heard around the world.” It takes a country more special than the America we are evolving from to publicly gang bang a foolish little man daring to fight for the existence of his foolish little country. Isn’t Elonica quickly becoming the strongest, richest, manliest, most superior nation on the face of the earth?
And this is just the beginning of our Golden Age. As The Leader works his way through the federal government, transferring the country’s wealth to his own companies from futile, profitless undertakings like minimizing ebola, we will become even stronger. Once we eliminate impediments like the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau and the Environmental Protection Agency, our billionaires will be free to flourish unfettered. When the last of the guardrails falls, we can partner with Russia and other countries like ours where oligarchs have things well in hand. Allied with real men like Putin, we can at last become the country The Leader and his ceremonial president envision. Think South Africa meets Hungary meets the sun never sets on the British Empire.
It is freeing to have moved past the woke DEI nonsense that weakened us. Elonica’s new take-out-a-ruler-and-compare diplomacy brings our cadre of he-men center stage. Some like Lindsay Graham and Mike Johnson and the orange president himself play lesser but important roles. Their job is to stroke the other, greater, bigger men like JD and Pete Hegseth and Kash Patel. In the old order, we squandered the masculinity of visionaries such as these. And of course the ultimate purpose of all of this is to set the stage for The Leader’s emergence as CEO of the start-up that is Elonica. With his focus on profit – the only thing that really matters in running a country – we Elonicans who deserve it are bound to get the trickle down that will make us Great Again.
Naturally we want to be certain that we maintain Elonican superiority now that we’ve established it. The Leader is not leaving this to chance. That’s why we are letting measles run its course and holding off on developing next year’s flu vaccines. We have to cull the unworthy. COVID took care of 1.5 million weak links, but clearly we are still held back by resource-sucking opportunists who continue to diminish our gene pool. If you’re not hearty enough to withstand disease without modern medicine, you’re not worthy of Elonican greatness. Those who require Medicaid are simply too lazy and/or too weak to contribute to the wealth of the oligarchs. Let’s begin hollowing out our support for these unworthies, reducing funding for rural hospitals and medical research and preventative health care. If God wishes these vulnerable people to survive, they will. Otherwise we have removed another impediment to Great Again.
Strengthening the native-born Elonican population is not enough. It is also essential that we round up and expel brown immigrants (weakening our bloodline as we learned in the Muppet president’s campaign for office) and recruit wealthy white ones to take their place. The Leader’s gold card for immigration is brilliant. Of course, recent international events alone are enough to inspire wealthy white Europeans to flock to Elonica. But in addition to this foresight in discarding our post-WWII allies, we also boast superior maternal mortality and incarceration rates, surprising K-12 literacy and math attainment, and more guns than people. Wealthy new arrivals to Elonica can get in on the now unfettered national parkland timber industry and other unregulated pursuits. If The Leader continues his success in moving past our hapless democracy, Elonica will become the destination of choice for wealthy people who want to get wealthier. Why, there must be dozens of worthy tycoons in Russia alone who would love an opportunity to become Elonicans. We can become a destination spot for the right kind of people once we expel those who are in the way. Think of the trickle down possibilities that await us! I can almost taste the Great Again.
As we learned from last night’s address, The Leader is doing so much good so quickly that it’s difficult to keep up. For example, whoever could have imagined the effectiveness of the tariff on/tariff off/tariff on/tariff off strategy? Who but The Leader could have foreseen the connection between cutting off support to Ukraine and lowering the price of eggs? Why didn’t we think about selling off our government’s buildings before now? Now that the best men are in the right jobs, Elonica is on a roll. Full steam ahead.
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17
