For the second time The Leader’s mouthpiece has been named Time’s Man of the Year. I am awestruck at The Leader’s maturity and generosity in orchestrating such an honor for someone other than himself – actually, for someone who is animated so transparently by such recognition. The Leader is so much more qualified – he is younger, better looking, richer, and highly successful at monetizing his wealth through government grants. He has already fathered many children to strengthen Elonican blood and he is physically fit enough to leap and frolic on stage suggesting the hopeful possibility that more will follow. And he is the undisputed king of the Tech Bros, the learned civic men who will lead the way to our restored greatness.
Despite these many superior qualities and qualifications, The Leader is disciplined enough to hang in the shadows, allowing the president he purchased to celebrate the limelight. They are the yin and yang, the alpha and omega of our renewed government. Unlike the majority of their followers, they share the same Ivy League education. Go Quakers! In keeping with the majority of their followers, they treasure shiny things, albeit different ones. Think slick electric cars and reusable rockets and golden toilets and private airplanes. At the end of the day it’s their signature T’s that define them – T on ergonomic cars and T on the sides of tall buildings. The Leader knows what he’s worth – considerably more since his prudent presidential purchase – and he doesn’t need the additional T for Time Magazine Man of the Year. In fact, he scoffs at such flattery.
While there can be only one Man of the Year, let’s not forget the many Men of the Moment. When history records the epic success of our transition to Elonica, it will be important to remember all who contributed. After all, it is no small thing to reboot a democracy, to rethink a Constitution, to repeople a government. The Leader has modeled for his billionaire buddies (boasting fewer billions than The Leader but still possessing many pots with many chickens in them) how important it is to pretend for the time being that the newly purchased president is in charge of things. The Zuckerbergs and Bezoses and Altmans of the world are standing in line to write checks and praise the Man of the Year, recognizing that Elonicans have finally made the choice Louis Brandeis articulated almost 100 years ago: “We must make our choice. We may have democracy, or we may have wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we cannot have both.” The Leader and the billionairettes, with a nod and a wink, are ready to evolve from democracy. Eventually they will need to share their plans with the Man of the Year, but for now it’s prudent to carry on with the trappings of the old USA. It’s better to let folk – including the MOY himself – believe that we are merely improving democracy, not choosing another path altogether. Boy o’ boy, Our Leader is a sharp cookie. Before we know it we won’t recognize how far we’ve come.
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Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
2 Corinthians 17