Tomorrow we celebrate our second Elonican Thanksgiving: family, feasting, and football, all made better now that we’ve moved on from the old, broken America. Let’s take some time to reflect about our many blessings. Surely our President and the billionaire (soon to be trillionaire) who had the foresight to purchase him for us belong at the top of our list of deserving-of-thanks things. We must acknowledge that we wouldn’t be in our Golden Age if our Leaders weren’t willing to “talk turkey” – to get down to the business of profit, which will eventually flow through the wealthiest people and then trickle down to us – on matters central to our new, improved nation.
How about we unpack and cherish our Elonican blessings one at a time:
The Economy
Prices are lower. Inflation is gone. The job market is flourishing. Tariffs are fixing the utter mess Biden left behind. Any problems anyone is experiencing as a result of Biden’s incompetence are temporary. The trickle down cometh.
Immigration
The border is closed. ICE and the Border Patrol are questioning/detaining all the brown people to be certain they belong here. Most don’t. Between the internment camps we are building here and new relationships with foreign countries willing to let us buy space in their prisons, we can limit the harm caused by minorities living among us. Our Leaders’ aggressive deportations are already freeing up high-paying jobs and easing the housing shortage for real Americans.
DEI/Wokeness (Or is it Wokedom? Wokitude?)
We are now a meritocracy. We have realized that the wealthiest among us deserve to rule lesser citizens because when they get richer they will share their wealth with us. Because so many unqualified non-white, female, nonChristian, trans people found their way into positions of influence under Radical Left policies, it is taking a while to purge them all. We are making steady progress. We are also making sure our history includes only the right facts and information.
Health
Robert F. Kennedy has bent radical leftist science to his will, curing autism and discovering that measles isn’t such a big deal. Vaccinations are for the weak. Elonican Exceptionalism (which makes us even more exceptional than American Exceptionalism) is creating a master race that is not bound by the medical science of the rest of the world.
Peace Through Strength
Our military is strong and manly again, able to blow fishermen out of the water and drop bombs to delay Iranian nuclear weapons. We have demonstrated our strategic brilliance by supporting Putin and Netanyahu to help our Leaders make money. Democrat cities, where all crime in Elonica occurs, are welcoming the National Guard and other troops to restore order. Our troops, slender and without facial hair, now command respect throughout and beyond our nation. And any minute now they could get an opportunity to showcase their superiority in Venezuela.
Unitary Executive Democracy (UED)
At last, after 250 years, we understand what the Founders intended. All power is vested in the omnipotent Executive who was elected in an unprecedented 1.5% landslide election to make all decisions on our behalf. The three branches of government are meant to be codependent, not coequal. “Checks and balances” means “Put a CHECK next to my name on the Trump loyalty list for the BALANCE of this presidential term.”
Happy days are here again! Relish this time away from work and/or school and immerse yourselves in family and fun, secure in the knowledge that our Leaders know what’s best for us. Please take a moment to praise and thank them. As Elonica prospers, so do we all.
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
Psalm 95:2
