I trust that Independence Day parades and cookouts and fireworks reminded us all how special and magnificent our country is. So many flags, so much national spirit. I can’t help but be grateful that next year, thanks to the man who purchased our remarkable president for us, we will celebrate our 250th anniversary as Elonica. There’s no denying that America had a great run. But there’s also no denying that it peaked some decades ago and was in decline until the last election. Now that we have graduated from the waste, fraud, and abuses of our old democracy we will be able to celebrate 250 years from a position of unparalleled strength. We are entering our Golden Age. By July 4, 2026 we will be unstoppable.
Our progress is not an accident. When he selected our president, The Leader knew that we needed a larger-than-life personality – someone universally revered as a businessman – to knock us back on course to greatness. Our wokeness had made us weak. We needed someone with a clear vision of the kind of country we want to be. A strong country. A Christian country. A meritocracy. A land where only those born here belong here. A land where those clever enough to have attained wealth could help the rest of us find our place. We needed a president who would surround himself with the kind of people unafraid to disregard distractions such as due process and checks and balances and activist district court judges to get the job done. A Cabinet full of visionaries like The Leader and his muppet president who know that the end – if marketed properly – justifies the means.
And so – a mere 36 weeks since the 2024 1.5% landslide victory – we find ourselves at the cusp of greatness. National Guard troops and U.S. Marines patrol our cities, supporting masked and armed government agents in rooting out those who do not belong. Foreign nations fear our military and our art-of-the-deal tariffs. Daring new treaties allow us to offload our human trash to other lands. We can reset trade relations not by making deals but by sending letters. Putin and Netanyahu are drawing ever closer to ending the wars that annoy our president. We will soon acquire herd immunity to measles – a much safer and more scientific approach than embracing the vaccines that previously kept it at bay. We have declared global warming a hoax and thus eliminated it. And the coup d’etat: The Big Beautiful Bill funnels money from the undeserving into our internal and external defense, ensuring that the Eden we are recreating is impervious to influence and/or attack from all enemies, foreign and domestic.
These recent Elonican victories build from the orange president’s trademark thoughtful planning. With Mitch McConnell’s help, the president remade the Supreme Court in MAGA’s image, ensuring little interference in his daring plans. Prior to winning his unprecedented landslide 1.5% victory, Project 2025 outlined in detail the steps necessary to reclaim our nation from those who had weakened it. The president could and did hit the ground running hard. And because he is gifted in drawing our attention to the issues that really matter – hordes of trans men usurping women’s sports and restrooms; protests a year or two ago on college campuses in support of Gaza; the Kennedy assassination cover-up; the woke, DEI renaming of military vessels and installations – he has earned the right to do whatever it takes to stop our nation from sliding further into oblivion.
The Leader is pleased with our progress. He did what great leaders do – showed us what is possible with his aggressive DOGE activities out of the gate and now has receded to a less public advisory role. Of course he watches his investment closely, challenging when necessary the orange CEO he installed. Consider the brilliance of his third party threat – reminding his CEO that competition exists despite the current MAGA market monopoly. Unlike his other business interests, Elonica is the investment that bears his name. He cannot leave its success to chance.
Which brings me back to our 250th anniversary a year from now. It’s time to start planning in earnest. Of course, our Mt. Rushmore-worthy president is ahead of us, having issued an Executive Action “Celebrating America’s Birthday” on January 29, a mere week after his coronation (71/308 Actions to date!). He is not leaving preparations for Elonica’s big bash to chance: the president himself is chairing the planning committee. This way we can be sure to celebrate that which has made us great again and not that which caused our decline. Elonica, not America. No worries: The Leader will see that his CEO (whose attention sometimes drifts) doesn’t muck it up. The Leader has a lot of skin in the game. Which means we have a lot more to look forward to…
You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder.
Isaiah 9:3
