Unlike our old cumbersome democracy with processes designed to avoid haste and regret — three branches of government, checks and balances, bills and laws — Elonica can rely on The Leader and the president he purchased to get things done lickety-split. We don’t really need a Congress at all. Think of the money we can save! Here’s a running record of Executive Edicts, updated as often as possible.
To read the full text of these Actions, link to whitehouse.gov here.
For a more literary experience, enjoy these summary haiku replete with thematic icons (being added as quickly as possible). Here is the icon key:
Issued May 12, 2025
256. Modifying Reciprocal Tariff Rates to Reflect Discussions with the People’s Republic of China
Lots of previous
Exec Orders and numbers.
BLINK: 30 percent.
255. Peace Officers Memorial Day and Police Week, 2025
I make us safer
In communities, at border.
Celebrate police.
254. Delivering Most Favored Nation Prescription Drug Pricing to American Patients
Global freeloading.
We pay too much for our drugs.
I command it stop.
Issued May 9, 2025
253. Rescission of Useless Water Pressure Standards
Water pressure standards:
Radical green policies.
Shower obsession.
252. Keeping Promises to Veterans and Establishing a National Center for Warrior Independence
Veterans not respected
By past administrations.
Offer homeless care.
251. Protecting the Great Lakes from Invasive Carp
Illinois must
Act to stop invasive spread.
Great Lakes are special.
250. Increasing Efficiency at the Office of the Federal Register
Deregulation
Delayed by slow publishing of
My new directives.
249. Military Spouse Day, 2025
Armed forces heart and soul.
High unemployment rate.
Unwavering support.
248. Mother’s Day, 2025
Mothers are da bomb.
I will protect families
From far left ideas.
247. Fighting Overcriminalization in Federal Regulations
Absurd and unjust
Overregulation. I
Am easing burden.
246. Establishing Project Homecoming
Illegals invaded
For four years. We shall pay them
To go somewhere else.
Issued May 8, 2025
245. Victory Day for World War II, 2025
WWII ended
May 8, 1945.
Renewed commitment.
Issued May 7, 2025
244. National Foster Care Month, 2025
First Lady and Prez
Respect fine foster parents.
Help kids grow and thrive.
Issued May 5, 2025
243. Regulatory Relief to Promote Domestic Production of Critical Medicines
We must make more drugs.
Regulations slow us down.
Streamline new building.
242. Improving the Safety and Security of Biological Research
Biden erred again.
Gain-of-function bio research
Is too dangerous.
241. National Small Business Week, 2025
Small business vital.
My tariffs address unfair world.
Hail entrepreneurs.
240. National Hurricane Preparedness Week, 2025
Hurricanes are bad.
I gave each state larger role.
Prepare your plans now.
239. National Mental Health Awareness Month, 2025
Make America
Healthy Again Commission
Will fix mental health.
Issued May 1, 2025
238. Loyalty Day and Law Day, U.S.A., 2025
Rule of law is back.
Loyalty Day vs May Day.
I’m Ike and Reagan.
237. National Day of Prayer, 2025
God spared me from ass-
Assination. My faith is
Even stronger now.
236. 2025 National Fallen Firefighters Memorial Weekend, 2025
Firefighters are great.
One died in Butler attempt.
Let’s support them all.
235. Ending Taxpayer Subsidization of Biased Media
No more money for
PBS and NPR
Viewpoints are biased.
234. Establishment of the Religious Liberty Commission
Establishing a
Commission to continue
Fight for religious freedom.
Issued April 29, 2025
233. Addressing Certain Tariffs on Imported Articles
Can’t stack tariffs on
Other tariffs. Time to clean up
Tariff confusion.
232. 418th Anniversary of the First Landing and Raising of the Cape Henry Cross
Explorers arrived
In Virginia. Remember
Why they traveled here.
231. Amendments to Adjusting Imports Automobiles and Automobile Parts into the United States
Revising again.
Big break for automakers.
Off to Detroit now.
Issued April 28, 2025
230. Strengthening and Unleashing America’s Law Enforcement to Pursue Criminals and Protect Innocent Citizens
Empower the police.
Maybe add military.
End consent decrees.
229. Protecting American Communities from Criminal Aliens
Fed has plenary
Power over immigration.
No sanctuaries.
228. Enforcing Commonsense Rules of the Road from America’s Truck Drivers
I mandate English.
New proficiency guidance.
Transportation Sec.
Issued April 26, 2025
227. World Intellectual Property Day, 2025
Protect American
Innovation. Celebrate
Our uber greatness.
Issued April 24, 2025
226. Investigation into Unlawful “Straw Donor” and Foreign Contributions in American Elections
Unlawful money
In election contributions.
Go after ActBlue.
225. Unleashing America’s Offshore Critical Minerals and Resources
Let’s mine offshore.
There’s more money to be made.
More drilling baby.
224. Strengthening Probationary Periods in the Federal Office
Strengthen probation.
Better federal workers.
Replacing old rule.
Issued April 23, 2025
223. National Volunteer Week, 2025
Volunteerism
Strengthens our communities.
I urge you to serve.
222. Advancing Artificial Intelligence Education for American Youth
AI everywhere.
Train up teachers and students.
Make innovators.
221. Restoring Equality of Opportunity and Meritocracy
Opportunity,
Not outcomes. Disparate impact
Liability.
220. Restoring Common Sense School Discipline Policies
Disorderly schools.
Schools fearing Title VI.
Punish equally.
219. Days of Remembrance of Victims of the Holocaust, 2025
Antisemitism.
Leftist, anti-American
Universities.
218. National Park Week, 2025
Majestic beauty.
McKinley not Denali.
Cherish and protect.
217. Preparing Americans for High-Paying Skilled Trade Jobs of the Future
Fed’ral investments
In workforce development.
Economic growth.
216. White House Initiative to Promote Excellence and Innovation at Historically Black Colleges and Universities
HBCUs are
Bright beacons of excellence.
I shall support them.
215. Reforming Accreditation to Strengthen Higher Education
Accreditation
Should not promote diversity.
Discrimination.
214. Transparency Regarding Foreign Influence at Amercian Universities
Foreign gifts threaten
Cultural and national
Security. Stop.
Issued April 21, 2025
213. Honoring the Memory of His Holiness Pope Francis
Fly flags at half mast.
Respect for Francis the Pope
At home and abroad.
Issued April 17, 2025
212. Restoring American Seafood Competitiveness
Wasting abundance
Through overregulation.
Let my people fish.
211. 250th Anniversary of the Battles of Lexington and Concord
I proclaim pride in
Our past, faith in our future.
We fought for freedom.
210. Extension of Hiring Freeze
Cutting way, way back.
Jan 20 freeze extended.
Smaller government.
209. Unleashing American Commercial Fishing in the Pacific
Since 2009
No fishing marked national
Waters. Now, have at.
Issued April 16, 2025
208. Ensuring Commercial, Cost-Effective Solutions in Federal Contracts
Use commercial stuff
Readily available.
Cheaper than custom.
Issued April 15, 2025
207. Ensuring National Security and Economic Resilience through Section 232 Actions on Processed Critical Minerals and Derivative Products
We need critical
Minerals, rare earth elements.
Study our imports.
206. Restoring Common Sense to Federal Office Space Management
Carter and Clinton
Put government offices
In pricy places.
205. Lowering Drug Prices by Once Again Putting Americans First
I fixed this last time.
Biden bunged it up. Let’s go back.
We will get healthy.
204. Restoring Common Sense to Federal Procurement
Agile, effective,
Efficient procurement system.
Revisit “FAR.”
203. Preventing Illegal Aliens from Obtaining Social Security Act Benefits
Fraud, waste, and abuse
In Social Security’s
Rampant. Deep audit.
202. Updating Permitting Technology for the 21st Century
Too much paper use
Slowing down infrastructure
Projects. Use more tech.
Issued April 11, 2025
201. Military Mission for Sealing the Southern Border of the United States and Repelling Invasions
Border emergency.
Placing military there.
Stay in Mexico.
200. Clarification of Exceptions Under Executive Order 14257 of April 2, 2025, as Amended
Semiconductors
And other technology
Exempt. Go figure.
Issued April 9, 2025
199. Modifying Reciprocal Tariff Rates to Reflect Trading Partner Retaliation and Alignment
Countries want to deal.
“Reciprocal” tariffs down.
10 for 90 days.
198. Addressing Risks Associated with an Egregious Leaker and Disseminator of Falsehoods
Nailing Miles Taylor.
Wrote a book about Term 1.
Leakers are dead meat.
197. Addressing Risks from Chris Krebs and Government Censorship
Chris Krebs made up “truth”
Re COVID and election.
I will punish him.
196. Addressing Risks from Susman Godfrey
Another law firm.
I can make them bend the knee.
Rule of law prevails.
195. Mobilizing Defense Acquisitions and Spurring Innovation in the Defense Industrial Base
Speed up procurement.
National security.
Factories too slow.
194. Restoring America’s Maritime Dominance
We need to build ships.
Maritime industry weak.
Let’s make it happen.
193. Directing the Repeal of Unlawful Regulations
Unlawful regs hurt.
Courts have lessened fed provenance.
Review and then cut.
192. Reducing Anti-Competitive Regulatory Barriers
Some regulations
Spur anti-competition.
Let’s revitalize.
191. Zero-Based Regulatory Budgeting to Unleash American Energy
Biden added more
Government-by-regulator.
Time to review regs.
190. Reforming Foreign Defense Sales to Improve Speed and Accountability
Speed up weapons sales.
Evaluate restrictions.
Reduce rules and regs.
189. Maintaining Acceptable Water Pressure in Showerheads
Biden-Obama war
On showers — I’m repealing
Def of showerhead.
188. Education and Sharing Day, U.S.A., 2025
Rabbi Menachem
Mendel Schneerson: charity,
Teaching, and good deeds.
187. National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day, 2025
Caring for our great vets
Is my commitment. Restoring
Peace through strength. Thank you.
186. National Crime Victims’ Rights Week, 2025
Biden soft on crime.
I’m tough at border, elsewhere.
Seeking new crime bill.
Issued April 8, 2025
185. Amendment to Reciprocal Tariffs and Updated Duties as Applied to Low-Value Imports from the People’s Republic of China
China’s not flinching.
One hundred and four percent.
I’m tit for tatting.
184. Reinvigorating America’s Beautiful Clean Coal Industry and Amending Executive Order 14241
Coal is essential.
National security.
Treat as mineral.
183. Regulatory Relief for Certain Stationary Sources to Promote American Energy
Coal fired power plants.
Reliable power grid.
Going back in time.
182. Protecting American Energy from State Overreach
Our security.
Climate change concerns
Are ideological.
181. Strengthening the Reliability and Security of the United States Electric Grid
Need more energy.
Analyze our power grid.
Limit outages.
Issued April 7, 2025
180. Review of Proposed United States Steel Corporation Acquisition
Biden told Nippon no.
National security.
Ordering review.
Issued April 4, 2025
179. Extending the TikTok Enforcement Delay
Not enforcing law
Until June 20, 25.
I choose which laws count.
Issued April 3, 2025
178. National Donate Life Month, 2025
Organ donors are
Countlessly compassionate.
Let us honor them.
177. National Child Abuse Prevention Month, 2025
Trauma and abuse.
Gender ideology
Is prevalent form.
176. Cancer Control Month, 2025
Fighting the cancer.
Restoring trust in government.
Let’s get healthier.
175. National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month, 2025
Open borders cause
More sexual violence.
I have nothing else.
Issued April 2, 2025
174. Further Amendment to Duties Addressing the Synthetic Opioid Supply Chain in the People’s Republic of China as Applied to Low-Value Imports
Expanding tariffs
On everything Chinese.
Stopping fentanyl.
173. Regulating Imports with a Reciprocal Tariff to Rectify Trade Practices that Contribute to Large and Persistent Annual United States Goods Trade Deficits
Bad trade deficits.
Need more manufacturing.
Tariffs on steroids.
172. World Autism Awareness Day, 2025
Prez and first lady
Respect families and others
Dealing with autism.
Issued April 1, 2025
171. Nominations Sent to the Senate
18 more fine folk.
Gosh — 2 women made the cut.
Meritocracy.
Issued March 31, 2025
170. Combating Unfair Practices in the Live Entertainment Market
Concert industry.
Unscrupulous middlemen.
Charging unfair fees.
169. Establishing the United States Investment Accelerator
Bad regulations
Hamper investment in us.
Let’s make it easy.
Issued March 28, 2025
168. Making the District of Columbia Safe and Beautiful
Capital city
Belongs to all citizens.
Let’s have a Task Force.
Issued March 27, 2025
167. Exclusions from Federal Labor-Management Relations Programs
Unions have to go.
Big state of emergency.
Nation is not safe.
166. Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History
Smithsonian’s woke.
I am a history scholar.
I’ll decide what’s true.
165. Addressing Risks from Wilmerhale
Addressing more threats
From “Big “Law” firms that crossed me.
Robert Mueller sucks.
Issued March 26, 2025
164. Adjusting Imports of Automobiles and Automobile Parts into the United States
More tariffs today.
Cars/car parts threaten nation-
-al security.
163. Executive Grant of Clemency for Devon Archer
Hunter B’s buddy,
Unconditional pardon.
I like this power.
Issued March 25, 2025
162. Addressing Risks from Jenner & Block
Another law firm
That did me wrong in the past.
Pay the piper now.
161. Preserving and Protecting the Integrity of American Elections
Safer and fairer.
New proof of citizenship.
DOGE will of course help.
160. Protecting America’s Bank Account Against Fraud, Waste, and Abuse
Treasury in charge
With OMB to review
All gov payments out.
159. Immediate Declassification of Materials Related to the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s Crossfire Hurricane Investigation
They tried to get me.
Doing transparency.
Russia, Russia, Rush …
158. Modernizing Payments to and from America’s Bank Account
Going paperless
On September 30th. Fast.
There are exceptions.
Issued March 24, 2025
157. Imposing Tariffs on Countries Importing Venezuelan Oil
Venezuela’s bad.
Tariffs if you use their oil.
On top of sanctions.
156. Greek Independence Day: A National Day of Celebration of Greek and American Democracy, 2025
We were shaped by Greece,
Our valued NATO ally.
Yay independence!
Issued March 22, 2025
155. Preventing Abuses of the Legal System and the Federal Court
Lawyers slow things down
Defending the illegals.
Bondi should nail them.
154. Rescinding Security Clearances and Access to Classified Information from Specified Individuals
People who crossed me
Cannot get security
Clearances. So there.
Issued March 21, 2025
153. Addressing Remedial Action by Paul Weiss
Paul Weiss bent the knee.
He has given me some hope.
Toss out past order.
Issued March 20, 2025
152. Stopping Waste, Fraud, and Abuse by Eliminating Information Silos
Sharing all info
That’s unclassified will stop
Waste, fraud, and abuse.
151. Strengthening the Suitability and Fitness of the Federal Workforce
OPM Director
Now has more authority.
Meritocracy.
150. Eliminating Waste and Saving Taxpayer Dollars by Consolidating Procurement
Consolidating
Federal procurement’s smart.
Eliminate waste.
149. Immediate Measures to Increase American Mineral Production
Regulatory
Bottlenecks are in the way
Of our minerals.
148. Improving Education Outcomes by Empowering Parents, States, and Communities
DOE has failed.
States will fix education.
Closing DOE.
Issued March 19, 2025
147. Removing Discrimination and Discriminatory Equity Ideology from the Foreign Service
Discriminatory
Equity ideolo-
-gy needs routed out.
146. Achieving Efficiency Through State and Local Preparedness
National resilience.
State, local infrastructure
Projects important.
Issued March 15, 2025
145. Invocation of the Alien Enemies Act Regarding the Invasion of The United States by Tren De Aragua
Invasion law
from 1798.
Deport sans process.
Issued March 14, 2025
144. Continuing the Reduction of the Federal Bureaucracy
Seven agencies
Added to growing scrap heap.
Unnecessary.
143. Addressing Risks from Paul Weiss
Another law firm
Doing stuff that I don’t like.
Limit their business.
142. Additional Rescissions of Harmful Executive Orders and Actions
Eliminating
18 more Biden orders.
Restore common sense.
Issued March 11, 2025
141. Ensuring the Enforcement of Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 65(c)
Lawsuits in my way.
They’re antidemocratic.
Pay first then challenge.
140. Nominations Sent to the Senate
50 new people.
43 men, 7 chicks.
Meritocracy.
Issued March 9, 2025
139. U.S. Hostage and Wrongful Detainee Day, 2025
Americans held.
I am great — have freed 13.
Let’s bring them all home.
Issued March 7, 2025
138. Restoring Public Service Loan Forgiveness
Biden botched program.
I won’t support activists.
Some payees removed.
137. Establishing the White House Task Force of the FIFA World Cup 2026
2026.
FIFA on our big birthday.
I’ll chair with JD.
Issued March 6, 2025
136. Establishment of the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve and United States Digital Asset Stockpile
Bitcoin’s limited.
Texas tea, digital gold.
Let’s secure our share.
135. Amendment to Duties to Address the Flow of Illicit Drugs across our Southern Border
Autos and potash
Causing special tariff rules now.
Cars a bridge too far.
134. Addressing Risks from Perkins Coie LLP
Dangerous, dishonest.
Soros, Hilary et al
AND did DEI.
133. Amendment to Duties to Address the Flow of Illicit Drugs across our Northern Border
Autos and potash
Causing special tariff rules now.
Cars a bridge too far.
Issued March 5, 2025
132. Honoring Jocelyn Nungaray
Killed by illegals.
Renaming wildlife refuge.
Biden was so weak.
Issued March 3, 2025
131. Further Amendment to Duties Addressing the Synthetic Opioid Supply Chain in the People’s Republic of China
China’s fentanyl
Still popular here. Tariffs
Now 20 not 10.
Issued March 2, 2025
130. Amendment to Duties to Address the Situation at our Southern Border
Duty free demin-
Imis treatment for some stuff
Til we can collect.
129. Amendment to Duties to Address the Flow of Illicit Drugs across our Northern Border
Duty free demin-
Imis treatment for some stuff
Til we can collect.
Issued March 1, 2025
128. Addressing The Threat to National Security from Imports of Timber, Lumber
Importing timber
Threatens our security.
Maybe more tariffs?
127. Immediate Expansion of American Timber Production
Plenty of supply.
Onerous fed policies.
Let’s cull our lumber.
126. Designating English as the Official Language of The United States
Promote unity,
Cultivate a shared culture.
Only speak English.
Issued February 26, 2025
125. Implementing the President’s “Department of Government Efficiency” Cost Efficiency Initiative
Review contracts/grants.
Justify all expenses.
DOGE runs everything.
Issued February 25, 202
124. Making America Healthy Again by Empowering Patients with Clear, Accurate, and Actionable Healthcare Pricing
In June of 19
I ordered change since ignored.
I’m bringing it back.
123. Suspension of Security Clearances and Evaluation of Government Contracts
Covington-Burling
Helped Jack Smith. Pull clearances
And contracts. Bad folk.
122. Addressing the Threat to National Security from Imports of Copper
We need to increase
Domestic copper supply.
Dominance elsewhere.
121. President Trump Takes Decisive Action to Deliver Relief to Kentucky
People are praising me
For relief I did before.
Same flood, new order.
Issued February 21, 2025
120. America First Investment Policy
New fast track process
To encourage investment
By all but China.
119. Defending American Companies and Innovators from Overseas Extortion and Unfair Fines and Penalties
We get screwed big by
Digital service taxes.
Time for more tariffs.
Issued February 19, 2025
118. Commencing the Reduction of the Federal Bureaucracy
Dramatically reducing
Federal bureaucracy.
Toss stuff I don’t like.
117. Ensuring Lawful Governance and Implementing the President’s “Department of Government Efficiency”
Overbearing burden
Of administrative state.
Review all the regs.
116. 80th Anniversary of the Battle of Iwo Jima
Flag raised on mountain.
Great American courage.
Let us remember.
115. President Trump Announces Appointments to Council of Governors
Fed-state partnership.
10 state leaders now on board.
Oops! Diversity!
114. President Trump Announces Appointments to the White House Office of Intergovernmental Affairs
7 boys, 3 girls
All former operatives.
Responsible outreach.
113. Ending Taxpayer Subsidization of Open Borders
Law already stops
Benefits to illegals.
I shall enforce it.
Issued February 18, 2025
112. Ensuring Accountability for All Agencies
Independent agencies:
The people’s elected president
Must control them all.
111. Expanding Access to In Vitro Fertilization
Family formation.
Longing, loving dads and moms.
IVF cheaper.
110. Radical Transparency About Wasteful Spending
Too much money spent.
Agency heads must cut stuff.
Doesn’t matter what.
Issued February 17, 2025
109. President Geoge Washington’s Birthday, 2025
Washington was great.
Declaring a holiday.
Bring on cheaper eggs.
Issued February 16, 2025
108. President Donald J. Trump Approves Kentucky Emergency Declaration
Horrible flooding,
Widespread damage everywhere.
Emergency state.
Issued February 15, 2025
107. Keeping Education Accessible and Ending Covid-19 Vaccine Mandates in Schools
COVID 19 risk
Low; personal freedom infringed
If vaxes required.
Issued February 14, 2025
106. Establishing the National Energy Dominance Council
We will work to be
Energy dominant. Use
Up our vast resources.
Issued February 13, 2025
105. Establishing the President’s Make America Healthy Again Commission
We are unhealthy.
Shorter lives and chronic disease.
Kennedy’s on it.
Issued February 12, 2025
104. Nominations Sent to the Senate
Sixty great people:
48 men, 12 women.
Meritocracy.
103. One Voice for America’s Foreign Relations
Only my voice
In our dealings overseas.
Mouthpiece Rubio.
Issued February 11, 2025
102. Adjusting Imports of Aluminum into The United States
We need more tariffs.
Let me add aluminum.
I did it before.
101. President Trump Announces the President’s Intelligence Advisory Board
Devin Nunes chairs
Return of integrity.
We’re secure at last.
100. Implementing The President’s “Department of Government Efficiency” Workforce
DOGE decides hiring.
DOGE decides who’s essential.
Let’s RIF bureaucrats.
Issued February 10, 2025
99. Adjusting Imports of Steel into The United States
In 2018
I did tariffs on metals.
Let’s do them again.
98. Pausing Foreign Corrupt Practices Act Enforcement to Further American Economic and National Security
FCPA passed
in 1977.
Now corruption’s fine.
97. Eliminating the Federal Leadership Institute
Johnson created
To grow government leaders.
Don’t need bureaucrats.
Issued February 9, 2025
96. Gulf of America Day, 2025
I renamed a gulf.
This was of course momentous.
I shall visit there.
Issued February 7, 2025
95. Addressing Egregious Actions of The Republic of South Africa
Afrikaners (whites)
Facing discrimination
Are welcome right here.
94. Establishment of The White House Faith Office
Faith-based entities
Need protection and funding.
Religious liberty.
93. President Trump Announces Appointments to the White House Faith Office
I am naming three
to the new office I made.
They seem like good folk.
92. Protecting Second Amendment Rights
Guns are safeguards of
Security/liberty.
All limits are wrong.
Issued February 6, 2025
91. Imposing Sanctions on the International Criminal Court
ICC challenged
Palestinian treatment.
I call foul. Sanctions.
90. Eradicating Anti-Christian Bias
Biden shamed Christians.
Moral weaponization.
I won’t stand for it.
89. Memorandum for the Heads of Executive Departments and Agencies
Nongovernmental
Organizations — not good.
Review all funding.
Issued February 5, 2025
88. Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports
Trans girls are still men.
I’ve always respected chicks.
Let me protect you.
Issued February 4, 2025
87. Withdrawing the United States from and Ending Funding to Certain United States Organizations and Reviewing United States Support to All International Organizations
UNRA, UNESCO
Also UNHRC
No longer trusted.
86. National Security Presidential Memorandum/NSPM-2
Iran wants some nukes.
We’ll deter them with sanctions.
I am not playing.
Issued February 3, 2025
85. Progress on the Situation at Our Northern Border
Canada’s at heel.
I am blinking on tariffs.
Thirty days — we’ll see.
84. A Plan for Establishing a United States Sovereign Wealth Fund
Grow national wealth
And sustainability.
Let’s have our own fund.
83. Progress on the Situation at Our Southern Border
Mexico’s at heel.
I am blinking on tariffs.
Thirty days — we’ll see.
82. Career and Technical Education Month, 2025
In February
We will celebrate workers.
We’ll be great again.
81. American Heart Month, 2025
Heart disease: tragic.
Let’s get healthier this month.
And nail Big Pharma.
Issued February 1, 2025
80. Imposing Duties to Address the Synthetic Opioid Supply Chain in the People’s Republic of China
Fentanyl comes from
People’s Republic of China.
10 percent tariff.
79. Imposing Duties to Address the Flow of Illicit Drugs across Our Northern Border
It’s Canada’s fault
Our people use fentanyl.
Lay on big tariffs.
78. Imposing Duties to Address the Situation at Our Southern Border
Gang members, smugglers,
Traffickers, illicit drugs.
Big honkin’ tariff.
Issued January 31, 2025
77. Limiting Lame-Duck Collective Bargaining Agreements That Improperly Attempt to Constrain the New President
Biden played dirty —
Contracts to get in my way.
< 30 days or else.
76. Unleashing Prosperity through Deregulation
Deregulation:
Ten must go to add one more.
Invisible hand.
Issued January 30, 2025
75. Immediate Assessment of Aviation Safety
Horrific plane crash
Obama and Biden’s fault.
Ban diversity.
Issued January 29, 2025
74. Additional Measures to Combat Anti-Semitism
After Jan 7th
Antisemitism’s worse.
We’ll find it and act.
73. President Donald J. Trump Signed S.5 into Law
I signed a law that
Detains/deports illegals
Accused of stealing.
72. Expanding Migrant Operations Center at Naval Station Guantanamo Bay to Full Capacity
Let’s house illegals
At Gitmo which is empty.
There’s room at the inn.
71. Celebrating America’s 250th Birthday
I’m chairing the team
That plans the celebration.
Woohoo USA.
70. Ending Radical Indoctrination in K-12 Schooling
Schools indoctrinate
And keep parents in the dark.
Teach what I say’s true.
69. Expanding Educational Freedom and Opportunity for Families
Public schools sure suck.
Give parents other choices.
They will choose wisely.
Issued January 28, 2025
68. Protecting Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation
Gender cannot change.
Junk science muy malo.
Stop your meddling now.
Issued January 27, 2025
67. Reinstating Service Members Discharged Under the Military’s COVID-19 Vaccination Mandate
Brass ordered vaccines.
Those who said no were sent home.
They can re-up now.
66. Restoring America’s Fighting Force
DEI is bad.
The best man should get the job.
Guys like Pete Hegseth.
65. Prioritizing Military Excellence and Readiness
Transgenders can’t fight:
They are confused and weaker.
Unfit for service.
64. The Iron Dome for America
It’s a scary world.
We’ll be prepped if they strike first.
We will strike second.
63. The National Day of Remembrance of the 80th Anniversary of the Liberation of Auschwitz, 2025
We must remember
Antisemitism can rise.
Today let’s all care.
Issued January 24, 2025
62. Memorandum for the Secretary of State the Secretary of Defense the Secretary of Health and Human Services the Administrator of the United States Agency for International Development
I wrote a memo
In 2017. I’m
Reinstating it.
61. Enforcing the Hyde Amendment
Abortion’s a sin.
Biden funded abortions.
Under Hyde I won’t.
60. Emergency Measures to Provide Water Resources in California and Improve Disaster Response in Certain Areas
Big wildfires swept through.
California screwed the pooch.
Let’s monitor them.
59. Council to Assess the Federal Emergency Management Agency
FEMA is sucky.
I’m making a committee.
I have twenty friends.
58. The First 100 Hours: Historic Action to Kick Off America’s Golden Age
President Trump rocks.
This action’s a press release:
Elonica thrives!
Issued January 23, 2025
57. Removing Barriers to American Leadership in Artificial Intelligence
My superior smarts
Tell me that there’s big money
In AI. Let’s reap.
56. President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology
We sure rock science.
Sadly, there’s too much bias.
My people know truth.
55. Declassification of Records Concerning the Assassinations of President John F. Kennedy, Senator Robert F. Kennedy, & the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
God spared me, not them.
The people burn with questions.
Set the record straight.
54. Strengthening American Leadership in Digital Financial Technology
Blockchains and bitcoins,
Digital economy.
Let’s speculate big.
53. Federal Recognition of the Lumbee Tribe of North Carolina
In old America
Congress used to have this job.
I’m taking over.
Issued January 22, 2025
52. Executive Grant of Clemency for Terence Sutton
The pardon power
Is one of my favorites.
Watch me exert it.
51. Designation of Ansar Allah as a Foreign Terrorist Organization
Houthi terrorists
Will fear our military
Now that it’s not woke.
50. Executive Grant of Clemency for Andrew Zabavsky
Days without pardons
Are like lunch without Big Macs.
I’m a happy man.
49. Nominations Transmitted to the Senate
Thirteen stalwart folk
Eleven very good men,
Two gals with merit.
Issued January 21, 2025
48. Ending Illegal Discrimination and Restoring Merit-Based Opportunity
DEI is bad.
The best man should get the job.
Guys like Pete Hegseth.
47. Keeping Americans Safe in Aviation
DEI is bad.
The best man should get the job.
Guys like Pete Hegseth.
Issued January 20, 2025
46. Guaranteeing the States Protection Against Invasion
They are invading.
I am closing the border.
I shall defend the homeland.
45. Restoring Names That Honor American Greatness
Mount McKinley is back.
Hail Gulf of America.
Watch eggs get cheap now.
44. Designating Cartels and Other Organizations as Foreign Terrorist Organizations and Specially Designated Global Terrorists
Cartels are so bad.
The Alien Enemies Act
Lets me destroy them.
43. Reforming the Federal Hiring Process and Restoring Merit to Government Service
DEI is bad.
The best man should get the job.
Guys like Pete Hegseth.
42. Ending Radical and Wasteful Government DEI Programs and Preferencing
DEI is bad.
The best man should get the job.
Guys like Pete Hegseth.
41. Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government
There are two sexes.
Gender identity’s bull.
I protect women.
40. Establishing and Implementing the President’s “Department of Government Efficiency”
Our tech is stupid.
Our government costs way too much.
Call in some rich guys.
39. America First Policy Directive to the Secretary of State
America’s first.
Make sure America’s first.
Always put us first.
38. Protecting the United States from Foreign Terrorists and Other National Security and Public Safety Threats
Terrorists come in.
Vetting and screening are weak.
Stop everyone now.
37. Unleashing Alaska’s Extraordinary Resource Potential
Alaska is rich
In natural resources.
Let’s harvest them all.
36. Protecting the American People Against Invasion
Bad actors got in.
Biden’s weakness is the cause.
New sheriff in town.
35. The Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) Global Tax Deal (Global Tax Deal)
We do our own thing.
Global Tax Deal WTF?
We are the hell out.
34. Organization of the National Security Council and Subcommittees
I chair NSC.
My homeboys will help me out.
We’ll keep you all safe.
33. Reevaluating and Realigning United States Foreign Aid
Let’s pause the money
To be sure it benefits us.
Perhaps new allies?
32. Temporary Withdrawal of All Areas on the Outer Continental Shelf from Offshore Wind Leasing and Review of the Federal Government’s Leasing and Permitting Practices for Wind Projects
Protect currents, fish,
And folk who need energy.
Wind power is bad.
31. Declaring a National Energy Emergency
We need more power.
I’m big on drill baby drill.
Oil and gas are king.
30. Restoring Accountability for Career Senior Executives
I am powerful.
I can fire folk just because.
Let’s be great again.
29. Promoting Beautiful Federal Civic Architecture
Let’s honor Elon-
-Ica by making buildings
Of grace and beauty.
28. Restoring the Death Penalty and Protecting Public Safety
No death penalty =
A mockery of justice.
Do it. Make us safe.
27. Putting People over Fish: Stopping Radical Environmentalism to Provide Water to Southern California
Reroute the water.
I tried to do it last time.
I do know what’s best.
26. Securing Our Borders
Stop the invasion.
Build a wall et cetera.
Protect the homeland.
25. Protecting the Meaning and Value of American Citizenship
14th Amendment
Touts birthright citizenship.
This is just foolish.
24. Realigning the United States Refugee Admissions Program
Too many got in.
Inundated with migrants.
Home is just for us.
23. Unleashing American Energy
Fossil fuels abound.
Drill baby drill baby drill.
We will get so rich.
22. Clarifying the Military’s Role on Protecting the Territorial Integrity of the United States
Use USNORTHCOM
To seal us in for safety.
Soldiers at borders.
21. America First Trade Policy
We just want fair trade.
Other countries screw us bad.
Let’s stick it to them.
20. Memorandum to Resolve the Backlog of Security Clearances for Executive Office of the President Personnel
My people need fast
Security clearances.
Leave it up to me.
19. Declaring a National Emergency at the Southern Border of the United States
Huge imminent threat.
Emergency powers now.
Watch me kick their butts.
18. Holding Former Government Officials Accountable for Election Interference and Improper Disclosure of Sensitive Governmental Information
I can take away
Security clearances.
Retribution rocks.
17. Restoring Accountability to Policy Influencing Positions within the Federal Workforce
I need Schedule F
So that everyone backs me
Or I fire their ass.
16. Withdrawing the United States from the World Health Organization
WHO screwed up.
The pandemic was their fault.
Let’s not waste money.
15. Application of Protecting Americans from Foreign Adversary Controlled Applications Act to TikTok
TikTok is OK
Or at least it might be safe.
Don’t enforce the law.
14. Granting Pardons and Commutation of Sentences for Certain Offenses Relating to Events at or near the United States Capitol on January 6, 2021
Abused patriots.
A big Day of Love Tailgate.
Rule of law restored.
13. Putting America First in International Environmental Agreements
Hasta la vista
Paris Climate Agreement.
It gets in our way.
12. Delivering Emergency Price Relief for American Families and Defeating the Cost-of-Living Crisis
Regulatory
Burdens and Dem oppression.
Let my people go.
11. Hiring Freeze
No more civilians.
We have everyone we need.
Wait for OMB.
10. Regulatory Freeze Pending Review
Rules must be approved
By people I appoint.
Trust no one but me.
9. Return to In-Person Work
End all remote work.
Let’s return to offices.
Sooner the better.
8. Ending the Weaponization of the Federal Government
They went after me.
Politicalization.
We’ll investigate.
7. Restoring Freedom of Speech and Ending Federal Censorship
The first amendment
Protects misinformation.
No more censorship.
6. Initial Rescissions of Harmful Executive Orders and Actions
Biden was so bad.
His legacy is a stain.
Let’s dump the crazy.
5. Flying the Flag of the United States at Full-Staff on Inauguration Day
Symbol of greatness,
Our flag should fly high and proud
For my anointment.
4. President Trump Designates Chairmen and Acting Chairmen
Twenty Twenty Five
Vetted trusted loyalists.
We are so ready.
3. President Trump Announces Acting Cabinet and Cabinet-Level Positions
I learned in Term 1
You’re with me or against me.
I enjoy “You’re fired.”
2. President Trump Announces Sub-Cabinet Appointments
More of very best.
Loyalty, hero worship.
Woke need not apply.
1. President Trump Announces Cabinet and Cabinet-Level Appointments
Very best people
Who adore me totally.
Happy times are coming.
