Memorial Day, the last Monday in May, is an important day for us. Like all American celebrations, its purpose gets a bit blurry. It’s meant to be an annual reminder of sacrifice – an honoring of those in the military who have given their lives in service to our country. But we’ve also turned it into the unofficial beginning of summer and the end of most kids’ interest in school. It gives us a reason for cookouts and other gatherings and another opportunity for retail sales. It looks as though lots of folk traveled on this first Elonican Memorial Day (avoiding of course Newark Airport and the parts of the country where random weather anomalies unrelated to the myth of global warming messed with holiday plans). Parades and other joyful events proceeded peacefully and The Leader’s purchased president was able to produce inspiring speeches and Truth Social posts.
Like everything in Elonica compared to America, Memorial Day is better now. Stronger. More merit-based. Less woke. One of the greatest things about Elonica is its certainty that our history – our real history, not that polluted DEI stuff – is no longer open to perspective or reconsideration or debate. For too long, the struggles of our past were overblown by Radical Left Lunatics who sought to limit our success by making us question our superiority. Elonica affirms that we have arrived. The goals of the Founders have been met. We had already formed a more perfect union where all citizens (those born here of citizen parents or allowed to move in based on how readily they will assimilate like The Leader and other Afrikaners) enjoy equal access to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness if they work hard enough.
Perhaps we should consider “Immemorial Day” as our new iteration of this holiday. Webster defines immemorial as “extending or existing since beyond the reach of memory, record, or tradition.” So much of Elonica is based on unvarnished recollection of our sainted past. As The Leader’s presidential mouthpiece tells it, in time immemorial America was once great. Exceptional. We overcame slavery and from that point there have been no racial impediments to wealth and success. Thanks to the implementation of beautiful tariffs of yore, America was once the richest it’s ever been. There were high paying jobs for all the men who wanted them. Women didn’t have to be forced into the workplace to make ends meet. They could stay at home and raise families – large, Christian families – as the Founders intended. We were happier and healthier and more respected in the world. Our past provided a bounty of great white men whose brilliance and moral courage was unmatched until The Leader and his orange president teamed up to Make Us Great Again.
Immemorial Day celebrates not just those who died defending our nation, but also all of the greatness in our past that falls beyond memory, record, or tradition. In Elonica, The Leader can declare things true without ascertaining their truth. He takes away the angst of wondering if we should aspire to be better than we are – that unsettled worry that those we commemorate on Memorial Day might have given their lives for a dream that is dimming – by reminding us that we were once – in time immemorial – much more golden than we are now. The Leader and his president instruct us that the best way to serve our nation is to believe again in a pure past – a better immemorial past – as a model for our golden future. After all, neither The Leader nor his sidekick elected to serve in the armed forces and they turned out to be the greatest men ever. They are rich men. Strong men. Principled men. The kind of men we need in charge.
In Elonica, we can improve upon the Golden Rule to which our nation aspired, captured here in 1961 by Norman Rockwell:
Our better Elonican Golden Rule, exemplified by The Leader and the president he purchased for us, sounds something like this:
“He who has the gold rules.”
If we let our leaders work their will without interference, they will ensure that we achieve our promise. Time immemorial will be ours again, even better than before. Elonica can have all the gold. Elonica first. Elonica forever.
Happy Immemorial Day, fellow Elonicans!
Your throne has been established since time immemorial; you are king from eternity.
Psalms 93:2
