How heartening it is to begin this week’s post with a portrait of our Golden President in his Golden Office in our Golden Age. Contrast this hero to not-really-elected Sleepy Joe Biden, wobbling around the White House with his middle class teacher wife and his drug addict wannabe artist son. Our current President – and his family – exude grace, charm, class, and wit.
You see, we finally acknowledged that what we needed to recuscitate our flailing democracy was a business approach to government. Of course we didn’t stumble into this revelation without help. Thankfully the richest man in the world, himself a formidable businessman, stepped in to buy us a President as a selfless act of civic duty. Our benfactor, an immigrant, saw the promise of America and wanted to save it from itself.
In just 92 weeks – 638 days – Our President and the genius who purchased him have turned America into Elonica – the HOTTEST country in the world. Our 250 years of fumbling around trying to shape a more perfect union are at an end. Democracy – government by, for, and of the people; checks and balances; life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness – failed us.
It turns out America couldn’t achieve a more perfect union until it became a business. It was time to stop giving shit away and focus on profit. It was time to make some serious money. It was time to separate the men from the boys and let the cream rise to (or stay at) the top.
Thanks to the leadership of our President – working with the billionaires who guide his policy, the Supreme Court who swats away challenges to his authority, and a Congress eager to redefine “check and balance” as “cheerlead and buttress” – everything Elonica’s government does is turning a profit. We are rolling in it, baby. A handful of examples of how it’s working:
The Iran War
The Venezuela War
The Big, Beautiful Bill
Government Stake in Businesses
Influence and Access
Mass Deportation Policy
Deregulation
These examples are inspiring, but what is really reshaping Elonican society is a shift in mindset. Things of value cost money and yield money. Government exists not to pamper its people, but to make money for those deserving of profit. Social services – support for those in poverty, health insurance subsidies, prescription support for seniors, veterans’ benefits – do not turn a profit. In fact, these programs make the people lazy. These programs are to be avoided. They are Communist. They cost America its greatness.
If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing because it makes money. Elonica can mitigate the risk that accrues to those positioned to make money by investing tax revenue on behalf of great men who have proven that they deserve great wealth. Or by opening public lands, owned by the people, to development. Or by helping to fund data centers that allow grateful local residents to pay for water and energy that will support AI. We all prosper when we scaffold men like our President, who has wisely made 2 billion dollars since his election. Or the founders of Amazon and Meta, whose profits have soared this year. Or our benefactor, the man whose rockets will eventually launch successfully and carry people to the moon if not Mars.
I am loving the clarity that a business approach brings to Elonica. We know who to support, how to support them, and whether our support makes a difference. We know that the winners deserve to win and the losers have only themselves to blame.
OMG. I think we’re Lincoln’s “more perfect union!” Damned if MAGA didn’t make us great again.
The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
2 CORINTHIANS 9:6
