So here’s a stunner. Dems caved and voted with true MAGA patriots to reopen the government. Weak weak weak. All our Leaders had to do to win was take away food assistance from 42 million people after furloughing and laying off thousands of government workers. Without money for food, many people were rethinking Thanksgiving, which made interruptions to air travel less inconvenient even for people without private planes. Of course no one disrupted the really important work in progress – ballroom construction, oil drilling in Alaska, ICE deployments – so the shutdown wasn’t impacting any work that mattered. Small price to pay for tanking the ACA at long last.
Elonicans befuddle me. After such extraordinary success in bending the country to their will, our Leaders seem to be under fire. I don’t know about you but I was tired of hearing about SNAP benefits and health insurance premiums and “affordability,” the Radical Left’s new made-up term. I think it’s grand that we are bombing fishing boats that might contain drugs and getting tough on brown people who shouldn’t be in Elonica in the first place. I’m impressed that our Leaders can accomplish these important tasks while lowering prices – a Thanksgiving meal package at Walmart in 2025 containing half the items included in 2024 costs 25% less than last year. Clear evidence that prices are headed in the right direction. Affordability is a Radical Left con job. We are already better off. I’m certain the majority of the Elonican people share these beliefs. Still, haters gotta hate, at least until the Leaders get better at finding and punishing them.
People seem to be most angry about the perks our Leaders and their billionaire friends are enjoying now that our Golden Age has arrived. How churlish and ungrateful! Of course the richest man in the world – the Leader with the presence of mind to buy us the President we needed a year ago – deserves a trillion dollar paycheck funded largely by US government grants. Naturally his companies should be held to different regulatory standards. Look what he’s given us! Through DOGE, he thoughtfully streamlined the feckless government bureaucracy to make it more efficient than it’s ever been. He facilitated the removal of thousands of Deep State radical libs. And – the coup de grace – his DOGE bros mined all the data about Elonica’s citizens necessary to guarantee the Leaders’ continued success. In the tradition of quiet leadership, he then faded into the background to collaborate with his billionaire buds in directing the country. Rather than begrudging him his rewards, we should be holding ticker tape parades (in cities made safe by the National Guard and US Marines) to honor his many sacrifices on our behalf.
But the real hero of the hour is clearly our President. In the words of Edgar Allen Poe, this generational talent has brought us “the glory that was Greece and the grandeur that was Rome.” I could fill pages and pages with his contributions to Elonica. Architecture. Interior design. Signage. The new math of prosperity and affordability (he is a master of those pesky irrational numbers.) Grace and culture – look at the Kennedy Center and the gilded White House and the oratory of the man himself for examples. The kind of democracy that other countries will emulate for centuries to come. A Senate and Cabinet filled with accomplished leaders of the land who contribute their ideas willingly to the Leaders’ receptive ears. A social hierarchy grounded in Christian strength unseen since Jesus himself traveled the land vanquishing by force those who disagreed with him. And a superior war-fighting military to ensure that our new prosperity endures forever – as did Greece and Rome.
When I let myself think about all that our President has accomplished in the first year of his second term, I feel as though I could burst. Every fiber of my being becomes infused with feelings so deep I don’t always trust myself to share them. What to do? Poe, consumed by thoughts of a beautiful woman, produced this ode To Helen. Here’s my pale-in-comparison Ode to Donald:
| Helen, thy beauty is to me Like those Nicéan barks of yore, That gently, o’er a perfumed sea, The weary, way-worn wanderer bore To his own native shore. On desperate seas long wont to roam, Thy hyacinth hair, thy classic face, Thy Naiad airs have brought me home To the glory that was Greece, And the grandeur that was Rome. Lo! in yon brilliant window-niche How statue-like I see thee stand, The agate lamp within thy hand! Ah, Psyche, from the regions which Are Holy-Land! | Donald, thy wisdom is to me Like those little fishing boats That gently, o’er a perfumed sea, The fierce drug trafficker bore Toward our sacred native shore. On desperate seas long wont to roam, Thy golden hair, thy droopy face, Thy sincere airs have likened our home To the glory that was Greece, And the grandeur that was Rome. Lo! In yon gilded Oval Office How statue-like I see thee stand While others tend the fallen man. Ah, Donald, dreaming of real estate In the Holy-Land! |
Apologies for attempting to wax literary… Sometimes, try as I might, I am unable to overcome the ill effects of a woke education.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name!
PSALM 100:4
