Each day my first waking thought is “Thank God for sending us a Leader who had the good sense and foresight to buy us such an extraordinary President.” Of course I am grateful for all that the President is doing for our country. What matters most to me – touching me to the soul – is his unwavering commitment to making things better for little people like me. Despite the many challenges that face him – Antifa, the fleet of small boats from South America threatening our sovereignty, a Democrat government shut-down, the insidious trans community – he remains focused on bringing my costs down, making me safer, and restoring my pride in America once more. Noblesse oblige is alive again.
In a cabinet meeting in August, Steve Witkoff, real estate guy turned head diplomat, proffered, “There’s only one thing I wish for – that the Noble committee finally gets its act together and realizes that you are the single finest candidate since this Noble award was ever talked about.” I assume Witkoff was talking about the Nobel Peace Prize, the one that Obama received years ago. (I read some ridiculous references to The Noble Piece Prize, awarded to the President for letting Ukraine or the Palestinians keep small pieces of their countries, but I recognized this right away as Radical Left Liberal disrespect.)
Now, with the first phase of a peace process taking root in the Middle East, I’m thinking that this Nobel Peace thing might not be ambitious enough. Our President is clearly the leader the world has been waiting for and dreaming of. He has inspired equanimity and prosperity not only in Elonica, but also in countries around the world. I want to be the first to suggest that our President deserves the 2026 Nobel Peace Prize AND all of the other Nobel Prizes as well. Consider this evidence:
The Oxford Dictionary defines chemistry not only as a physical science, but also as “the complex emotional or psychological interaction between two people.” No one has engaged in a more complex interaction than our President and his former BFF Jeffrey Epstein. Their emotional and psychological ties have been documented across the decades in both public and private media. The influence of their bromance continues to captivate and motivate the world.
Tariffs have long been revered in the world of economics. The President’s TACO (Trump Always Chickens Out) strategy – applying a random tariff and then randomly raising it or lowering it to stabilize trade by disrupting the stock market – is the stuff of genius.
No book has influenced the world as much as The Art of the Deal (1987), a groundbreaking treatise that married nonfiction, fantasy, and memoir in a new genre called trumpscat.
Autism has been a plague since it was first diagnosed in 1943. Trump has eradicated it in three simple steps: (1) Ban Tylenol during pregnancy, (2) Don’t let young children take Tylenol, and (3) Delay circumcision to avoid Tylenol following circumcision.
No man in the history of men has better exemplified in word or deed the ideals of the Nobel Peace Prize. Our President has ended 8 wars (Israel v. Hamas, Armenia v. Azerbaijan (also known as Albania v. Aberbaijan), Congo v. Rwanda, Israel v. Iran, India v. Pakistan, Cambodia v. Thailand, Egypt v. Ethiopia, Serbia v. Kosovo), sometimes ending conflicts that the participants did not even know existed. He is also modeling a new, improved version of peace through strength, attacking boats full of those who might threaten our homeland. Internally, his professional ICE force is humanely and peacefully removing those who threaten to weaken our bloodline. Peace Through Preemptive Aggression is helping to bring tranquility to Elonica and the world.
In 1687 Newton published his three Laws of Motion. In 2025, 338 years later, our high-IQ President discovered a fourth. The Fourth Law of Motion states “For every action, there is a dominant and opposite reaction; when one object exerts a force on another, the second object exerts a force of superior magnitude and opposite direction on the first.” This Law of Retribution is reshaping not only science, but society as a whole.
They’re saying on FOX news that the only reason the President did not receive the Nobel Peace Prize this year is politics. Clearly he deserved it. The system showed its wokeness. They can make it up in 2026 by ensuring that our President finally receives all the prizes that he deserves. Elonicans are rooting for him!
Two hot items: (1) Don’t forget to check out the new Legion of Absolutely Meritorious Excellence (L.A.M.E.) Awards page L.A.M.E. Awards to meet our first weekly recipient and (2) We oughta reach 400 Executive Actions this week (find them all on the Edicts du Jour page Edicts du Jour).
The wicked earns deceptive wages, but one who sows righteousness gets a sure reward.
PROVERBS 11:18
