Sometimes Elonica seems like a dream to me. I must confess that there are moments when I miss the America I grew up in. I find myself wondering what our country would be like if the richest man in the world had not bought us a president. Would we still be wasting our scarce resources spreading food, medicine and democracy across distressed parts of the world? Would we be forced to believe that what we witnessed on January 6, 2020 was something other than a peaceful, patriotic response to a rigged election? Would Congress be impeding our progress by acting unnecessarily as a co-equal branch of our government? Would we be stymied in our fantastic progress by rules and norms and checks and balances?
Maybe, as a not-so-young person, I’m just more comfortable with the familiar. Oh, I’m all on board for our Golden Age. I’ve written about that often since the election. But, as my brilliant oldest nephew pointed out, other empires across history have already experienced Golden Ages. Elizabeth I. The Romans and the Greeks. What’s happening for us is different. Between the richest man in the world who purchased our president and that president himself, we are blessed with brilliant leadership beyond anything the world has ever seen. We have the potential to move beyond a mere Golden Age. My nephew suggested that we are, in fact, entering the world’s first Orange Age.
What makes an Orange Age? As I’ve already hinted, a magnificent age requires extraordinary leadership. We have that in our president, Elonica’s CEO. Overtly, the President wields the power. But he is guided and supported every step of the way by the man who brought him to the dance, much as Elizabeth relied on Walsingham and King Arthur on Merlin. Even without such direction, our President is a formidable character. He just knows truth – without need for data or other evidence, despite contrary witnesses or factual records or science. It’s uncanny. Not only does he know truth, but he can communicate it so effectively that others instinctively believe. During his last trip to Europe, for example, he said this to European Commission Chief Ursula von der Leyen:
And the other thing I say to Europe, we will not allow a windmill to be built in the United States, they’re killing us. They’re killing the beauty of our scenery, our valleys, our beautiful plains. And I’m not talking about airplanes, I’m talking about beautiful plains, beautiful areas of the United States, and you look up and you see windmills all over the place, it’s a horrible thing. It’s the most expensive form of energy; it’s no good. They’re made in China, almost all of them. When they start to rust and rot in eight years, you can’t really turn them off, you can’t bury them, they won’t let you. But the propellers, the props, because they’re a certain type of fiber that doesn’t go well with the land, that’s what they say. The environmentalists say you can’t bury them because the fiber doesn’t go well with the land; in other words, if you bury it, it will harm our soil. The whole thing is a con job.”
A crystal clear statement regarding the fairness of tariffs. Wait – there’s more. In response to a question about images of starving children in Gaza, the President impressed our European allies further:
That whole place is a mess. The Gaza Strip, you know, was given many years ago, said that they could have peace. That didn’t work out too well. When Israel gave that up, whoever was the prime minister at the time, who I know, who it was, but it was not exactly a very clever thing to do. Because that was given so that they finally have peace, but it’s actually made the situation worse. But we’ll see what happens. I think Iran is acting up. We have a lot of people acting, we have Venezuela acting up in a different way. They continue to send people that we rebuff to our border. They continue to send drugs into our country, Venezuela. They’ve been very nasty.”
Because of his uncanny clarity in knowing and communicating truth, the Orange President is able to demonstrate to people the world over why the Elonican people are entirely on board with his agenda (as reflected in his sweeping 1.5% victory in November). We would be foolish not to trust a man with such vision. If the President says tariffs will not raise prices, then we can be certain that they aren’t now and won’t ever. When he says that Medicaid is expanding as millions of people stop receiving benefits, then we can count on this prudent expansion. He tells us that the illegals are the sole source of all of our problems and that their expulsion must be our top priority, so let’s round them up and boot them out. You see, with the help of the richest man in the world, our President not only knows and communicates truth. He also knows the best solutions to the problems that long plagued our failing democracy. This unprecedented savvy – and the confidence to disregard processes and laws that impede his will – are setting the stage for our Orange Age.
This first Orange Age in the world is already demonstrating its remarkableness. Think of the pressing problems instantly solved by declaration: climate change, paper straws, racism, woke science, showerhead water pressure, over-vaccination, anti-Semitism. The list goes on. So many dizzying successes accomplished so quickly. Our leaders’ range is vast indeed. I can’t think of a single issue that they are not already making better or planning to make better in two weeks.
What it all comes down to is strength. Using force to get to the root of things. Maximizing the motivating power of fear. Choosing a team and the referees who will monitor the game, then establishing that anyone and everyone not on the chosen team or willing to capitulate to the chosen team must be destroyed. This is exactly what the founders had in mind when they declared our independence from a despotic king 249 years ago. They were fully invested in “might is right” when they created three co-equal branches of government, giving Congress authority to enact laws, levy tariffs, declare war, and fund the government. The founders envisioned a world where strong unitary leadership could override elected representation, if it meant that we could get shit done. We are finally getting some shit done.
Each day of exerting righteous force brings a new victory. We have successfully bullied our way to more profitable relationships with the countries of the world. We are supporting winners – Putin and Netanyahu – and leaving the weak in Ukraine and Gaza to fend for themselves. We have earned the respect of the world after decades as its doormat. Having conquered the world, this week our Leaders turned their attention inward, vanquishing Washington, DC. There is nothing our National Guard can’t accomplish now that our elected leaders have the cojones to cut it loose.
If you’re one of the handful of people not already on the winning team, I’d suggest you seek out the transfer portal ASAP. Our transition from America to Elonica – to a country where people know their place as they watch our Leaders use their brilliance to ensure our Orange Age – requires total fidelity. I think you’ll find, as I have, that life is so much easier once you just let yourself sit back and trust in the people who know truth.
Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning for that would be of no advantage to you.
Hebrews 13:17
