Man, it’s exciting to be part of our national evolution since the landslide 1.5% election mandate of 2024. Each day brings so many new and important achievements. In the last week, we have established that the bombs we dropped on Iran might well have obliterated the Iranian nuclear program – and if they didn’t we can simply bomb Iran again which the Senate will not impede (or discuss). We have learned that – unlike during Biden’s time when the Supreme Court refused to take up the question of district courts issuing national injunctions to check presidential power – the Court is now ready to unleash the power of the executive. Our orange president is unimpeded in enacting possibly unlawful orders until people in every jurisdiction sue and are granted relief district-by-district. And we can celebrate the Senate’s passage of the Big Beautiful Bill, ensuring that The Leader, his president, and their friends will continue to direct the wealth of the nation on our behalf. With Congress and the courts greenlighting everything the executive branch wants to do, we can at last function as a true democracy. Checks and balances are so early-American-history. In Elonica, we act. We move forward. We don’t look back.
Sort of. What makes this epoch so intriguing is the ways we are melding our history with our ambition, folding our golden past into our future greatness. Wrinkling time as it were. So much of what The Leader and his purchased president are doing is familiar – revisiting who qualifies for citizenship from Reconstruction, reinstituting the tariffs of 1890 and eliminating regulations to foster recreation of Gilded-Age-like distribution of wealth, avoiding involvement in European affairs as in WWI and WWII. At the same time, given the The Leader’s preeminence in technologies of all kinds, we are positioned to exceed all such lofty successes of the past. This time, using data and technologies effectively, the changes we make as a country can be permanent, as they should be.
There is both art and science to moving simultaneously backward and forward. In reaching back, The Leader and the president he purchased for us must determine what parts of our history to elevate. They must separate the chaff from the grain to refocus our dispirited population on what made us great. They must fact check for maximum accuracy. They must carefully bound and share events that pass muster to showcase their positive aspects to best advantage. For example, the protectionism of the late 19th century rescued American consumers from cheap foreign goods. Full stop here. There is no need to talk about the depression that followed fast on its heels. The Gilded Age was a time of great innovation and industry, allowing American businessmen to build extraordinary wealth. Full stop here. The part where American workers did not share in this bounty is unimportant. The key to telling a good story is to begin it where it begins and end it where it ends. The best stories do not encourage an audience to get lost in superfluous context.
In the history that matters, white Christian men led the way. Elonican leaders are doing a fine job of peeling away the dicta of our heritage – slavery, Jim Crow, women’s suffrage, the labor movement, LGBTQ+ rights – so that we can focus only on our greatness. This is where technology comes in. With algorithms ensuring that the right information, analysis, perspective and commentary spread as quickly as possible to as many people as possible, we can rid ourselves of foolish forays into tiny blips in our past. Of what use are the Tulsa and Rosewood massacres or the Trail of Tears? We can use AI to quickly discover any uses of unhelpful terms like “social justice” or “diversity” or “gay” (as in the Enola Gay) and act to eliminate them from view and/or discourse. Now that we have established that DEI threatens our national security, we can eradicate it, thereby eliminating the need to acknowledge people in our past whom the libs elevated as important to our history. Face it: America was better when a handful of white men determined our country’s direction. We can be great again if we recreate that era.
This time, our success will not be temporary. In our last Gilded Age, the titans of commerce who controlled the government built industries like railroads and steel mills. Their factories and sweatshops required workers, anonymous people whose lives away from work were private and largely unexamined. Unfortunately, in their anonymity, too many of these workers were able to communicate, organize, militarize, and demand profit-sucking workplace improvements. Damn unions. We are still paying the price for outlandish regulations regarding workplace safety, the 40-hour work week, child labor, and the like. Fortunately, this time around will be different. This time around the government has the DOGE database, an essential tool that amalgamates data on every Elonican from all available government sources. This awesome weapon, combined with information available to today’s Titans of Tech through the networks and devices they manage and monitor, will ensure that no one can secretly plan to interfere with our progress. We can keep the workers in their place. We can keep the dissidents quiet. We can guarantee a future that solidifies what made us great in the past.
I await our Golden Age with growing confidence.
You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
John 8:32
