It’s been 34 weeks since the triumphant 1.5% landslide election of The Leader’s purchased president. Inspiring though these weeks have been, there must have been moments in which The Leader questioned this investment. At his awkward exit from Washington, perhaps, or The Big Beautiful Bill that explodes the deficit he worked so dramatically to reduce one $80,000-per-year federal employee at a time. Or the everything-everywhere-all-at-once adjustable tariffs. Or the abandonment of incentives for electric vehicles. Let’s face it. Our orange president can be a tad impulsive. Doubts must have been sown. Buyer’s remorse? Night sweats? Panic attacks? Double ketamine?
This week the Muppet President showed us his mettle. Despite a sprinkling of hints on Truth Social in which he could barely contain himself, he was able to keep it together to launch a secret mission that obliterated Iran’s nuclear capability just as Bebe Netanyahu compelled him to do. Although the obliteration part is in question in the absence of any intelligence-sharing with Congress or in any official post-action assessments, The Leader’s bought-and-paid-for president clearly established that he is a man of peace. Peace through strength, uniquely able to bring about detente between historic rivals by asserting publicly that “they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.”
This is the glory that ensues when we have the sense to elect a muscular white Christian. The Leader – who worships in his own way as technocrats do – recognized that what the country was crying out for was a man of principle rather than science. A man not just of action, but of Godly action. The comparisons between the president he purchased and Christ are too many to catalogue: judge not lest ye be judged, love thy neighbor as thyself, the meek shall inherit the earth, etc. etc. etc. The Leader had the funding and his candidate had the chops – manliness and godliness in one modest orange package.
While dropping bombs on Iran is perhaps the best example of Elonica’s renewed spiritual strength, we should not discount the countless other acts that define this groundbreaking presidency. It takes a special kind of grace to create a dedicated corps of masked and militarily-armed men to round up dangerous farmworkers and landscapers and restaurant workers for expulsion to other continents willing to take them. It takes a leader devoted to the poor to create economic and tax policy that benefits those most entitled to lead them (recognizing that giving a man a fish is not the same as telling him how many fish he really needs and reminding him that there are plenty of jobs for those who want to earn their allotment of fish.) Only leaders with empathy and wisdom have the strength to override Congress and the courts to redistribute funding approved for ungodly acts like AIDS prevention and hunger mitigation to more important causes like defense and ICE.
I have to confess I was raised with a different kind of faith, the kind where you go to church and pray for forgiveness for sins and believe that God is an everpresence who has given you the tools to choose to lead a life of good. I am coming to see that what I once thought was sin is actually strength and what I once thought was strength has no place in Elonica.
Thank God The Leader was blessed with the foresight to save us from ourselves.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:16
